


From Now til Forever

by rhysdelamar



Series: The Secrets'Verse [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Going to Hell, M/M, Post-Season/Series 08 Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-09-20
Packaged: 2017-12-26 03:25:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/961018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhysdelamar/pseuds/rhysdelamar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to 'Of Secrets and Truth' and 'To Family and Friends'</p>
<p>Now that the dust has settled, Dean declares it is time to finally rescue Adam from the Cage. To do so, he and Cas descend into Hell. This journey will be the greatest test of their characters, for in Hell, all sins are revealed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is the sequel to both 'Of Secrets and Truth' and 'To Friends and Family'. Both of those need to be read first for any of this to make sense. This is my planned final installment of this series. This is a journey into Hell, and as such, there is of course some mature content ahead.
> 
> This one has a Cas and Dean POVs only.
> 
> Updated Daily
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of their characters from CW. I am not profiting financially from the creation and publication of this story. Any and all real persons and situations are purely coincidental.

**Be Warned and Descend**

* * *

 

                “You’re out of your bloody mind.” Crowley called out to him.

                Dean shook his head, “not on this, he’s been in the Cage for almost four years. You know how long that is in Hell? Almost five hundred years. And he’s down there because of me. I had a choice to bring him or Sam back, and I choose Sam. We’ve been running around from one catastrophe to another, never really getting a chance to think about springing him. Now we can, or at least try.”

                Sam looked at him incredulously, “you…but, why now?” Then he turned to Cas, “you can’t be ok with this.”

                Cas smiled politely back, “in fact Sam, I already know and I fully support Dean.”

                Finding no support from him, Sam looked back at him, “and how are you supposed to do that Dean? Last time Cas was only able to get my body and you had to deal with Death to get my soul…which was damaged by the way, to bring me back. You plan on calling him again?” He knew Sam was being concerned for him, and it was a valid worry.  “And even if you get him back, he was down there for a long time between Lucifer and Michael. He’s going to be unstable…dangerous. Or do plan to set up a wall in his mind too?”

                “We can deal with that, or even try to see if we can send him back to Heaven. Being back here is still better than being in Hell. He’s family Sammy…ok, sure, we didn’t know him until he was dead. And he was a pain in the ass when we had for that small time, but he’s our brother.”

                “And what’s the plan Dean, waltz into Hell, knock on the Cage and ask if Adam can come out to play? He’s locked inside with two of the most powerful beings in the universe, in an impenetrable prison.”

                “Not impenetrable Sam, I was able to get inside to get you.” Cas  said.

                “Sans soul Cas, and you were an angel then. Are you going to ask Raziel or Balthazar then?”

                “No, angels are too much of a distraction in Hell, I was barely unable to escape the previous two missions. And we would not ask them to place them in danger in our stead. Sam, all Dean wants to do is save your brother. And we have already worked out a plan. Of sorts.” Cas replied.

                He continued where Cas left off, “we’re going to go down, and yes, walk up to the Cage and get Adam out. It’s not going to be easy, but we can do it.”

                Charlie cut in, “we? Like you and Cas? Alone?”

                He nodded, “yeah, it’s my responsibility, and I need Cas to be with me. As a guide and backup. Together, we can do it.”

                “You know it’s a bloody mess down there right now? It’s not all nice and organized like when I was running it, it’ll be chaos.” Crowley added before sighing. “The Cage is in the deepest darkest point of Hell, where no ones, not even demons go. It’s out kind of sacred area, but it’s also the most…well, it lacks description. You go down there, no telling what’ll happen to you.”

                Sam slumped his shoulders, “Dean, please, I know you want to do this, but we can find another way. We’ll all look, maybe”

                Dean interrupted him, “you know there isn’t another way Sam. And you’re staying here, Robbie needs a dad, so forget asking to come. Cas and I can do this. We already have a plan drawn up.”

                A look of angered surprise showed on Sam’s face, “you have a plan? How long have you two been planning this?” He could hear the betrayal and disbelief in Sam’s voice, and it pained him but he needed to do this.

                “Couple weeks,” he admitted.

                “God dammit Dean, neither one of you could have said something sooner?”

                “To do what Sam? So you can bitch and try to convince us not to go? We’re going to do this Sam, whether you like it or not.” Dean nearly yelled back.

                Throwing up his arms in defeat, he was about to say something when Robbie started crying over the baby monitor. Throwing him a bitchface to Dean, Sam got up and went to tend to the infant. Dean looked around to see if anyone else want to debate it with him.

                Kevin spoke up next, “I’ll read what I can from the demon tablet, see if there’s anything in there that can help you out. Figure no point to convince you guys not to go.”

                “Thank you Kevin. We have been going over your previous notes, and we’ll need all the help we can get.” Cas answered.

                Charlie crossed her arms, “well, I’m not happy about it, but Kev is right. You’re both too stubborn to back down. May as well tell us the plan.” Crowley nodded in agreement in her assessment.

                Cas explained the plan, “we would descend into Hell ourselves and go to the Cage. It’s easier to do as a human than as an angel. There are ways to make us invisible while we travel to the Cage. I was able to exploit a weakness in the design in the Cage last time to take Sam out. I believe with great confidence, we can do so again to get Adam.”

                “And pray tell, what is that Cassie? We don’t want to accidentally let the devil out.” Crowley asked.

                “Simply put, the prison was meant to hold archangels but not their vessels. A human body and soul have no place inside, so it was a matter of pulling him out. Carefully. The last time I was in a hurry and did not know that Sam was not without his soul. We can’t go in, but he can choose to go out if we open the way for him. Lucifer and Michael cannot escape without the rings now, so there is no chance of that happening.”

                “You still have to cross Hell to get there though, and that’s not easy task.” Crowley warned.

                Dean replied, “yeah, we know, but between us, I know we can do it. Besides, we won’t be gone long. At least not from your perspective, maybe a couple of days, like a hunt.”

                 “And you plan to get a reaper to take you down? Or go through the side door?” asked Crowley, now intrigued by the plan.

                “Side door, one rarely used now. Mt. Etna will be out entry point. Then we’ll escape through Purgatory and back here.” Cas provided.

                Crowley stroked his chin, “clever, demons haven’t used that one in ages since it’s so heavily warded now. And going through Purgatory and the portal there? Brilliant. Humans only and you’ll be the only ones who can get through. Kudos to you both, it’s not bad. Still, it’ll be a maze down there. How do you plan to navigate? You can’t exactly google directions in the pit.”

                Dean smiled, “simple, we lock onto the strongest power source _Return of the Jedi_ style. There’s a device the Men of Letters had to locate items or people of power. We found it in the vault. Kinda like Jack’s compass.”

                “His showed him the direction of his greatest desire.” Charlie corrected.

                “Yeah yeah, I know, but same principal,” he replied.

                “Seems you two have come up with a good plan, dangerous, but not bad. When do you go?” Crowley asked.

                “Soon, we still have a little bit of planning, but soon.” Sighing, “but not before I have a talk with Sam.”

                Cas squeezed his hand, “he’ll come around, just give him a little bit of time.”

               

* * *

 

                He went to find Sam later in the evening, who had holed himself in his room with Robbie. Knocking on the door, he let himself in after a moment. Sam was sitting at his desk looking at something on his laptop while Robbie was happily playing in his crib.

                “Got a minute,” he asked quietly. Sam turned around he could still see that he was upset. Still, his brother motioned for him to sit, which he did so. “I know you don’t want us to go Sam, but I have to do this. He’s innocent and he’s there because of us. We owe it to him as his brother to go and try to save him.”

                Sam sighed, but kept his face set on being upset, “I understand, I do, but why now?”

                “Why not now?” he retorted, “listen, you’re probably right, he’ll be damaged. But he’s suffered enough, once we’re topside, we’ll find a way to help him. All I am asking is for you to trust me on this Sam.”

                “Dean, you asked me to trust you, but why didn’t you trust me when you first thought of this? Why did you and Cas have to hid it from all of us?”

                He figured that was the reason why Sam was primarily angered about, him and Cas keeping it under wraps for a long time. He knows he was a weak answer, but he says it anyways. “It came to my mind when we started talking about having a holiday party, and family and all that. I asked for Cas’s opinion because he’s my uh, well, he’s Cas and I’m with him. I’m supposed to go to him first. And he agreed. We both thought it was better to wait until the holidays were done with so we can all enjoy it without this hanging over our heads.”

                Sam closed his eyes and he can see that he was going over what he said in his mind. Finally, after several minutes he replied, “ok, I get that. I don’t appreciate it, but I get it. No way of talking you out of it?”

                “C’mon Sam, when have I ever listened to reason?”

                Rolling his eyes but giving him a little smile, “good point.” Sam stood and picked up Robbie, who squirmed a little but made happy sounds. “You come back though, I want Robbie to have his gay uncles.”

                “Dude, how many times I have to say it, I am not gay!” Dean huffed back, “I’m just Cas-sexual.” He loved the line from Charlie, who apparently got it from slash fiction. The fact that Charlie has read it made him uncomfortable, but she has her quirks and he loves because of them. Usually.

                “Pfft, whatever. Seriously though, come back in one piece both of you.”

                “Will do Sammy. We’ll build that house together ok? And then Cas can go to school and we can try to have out apple pie life.”

                Sam sat back down, cradling Robbie, “about that Dean…have you thought, about…you know?”

                He scratched his head, “yeah, but I don’t know Sam. The entire getting married thing…it’s kinda out there for me. For us both. He doesn’t understand the concept of marriage, I mean, he does…but and I quote ‘I do not understand the need to seek legal recognition of our relationship.’ I think the symbolism escapes him, but I have to agree with him. We’re good now, why go through the pomp and ceremony to make it official?”

                Sam had his thinking frown on, “it’s up to you guys. He has a point, but you’re right, he doesn’t get the symbolism behind it. Still, it would be nice.”

                “Well, we’ll figure it out. No rush right? It’s not like we have a ticking time bomb of an apocalypse happening. We plan on heading out in a couple of days. You good with that?”

                “Not that I have much of a choice in it but alright. Want to hold him? It’s time for his nap.”

                Dean outstretched his arms to take his nephew, and began rocking him to the tune of Highway to Hell ‘til he fell asleep. 


	2. Welcome You Who are Damned

 

* * *

"So I'll be nearby to pick you guys up when you call. Wish I could just camp there." Charlie muttered.

"It's the first week of January, you'll freeze overnight. Besides, it's Maine…you can have a lobster." Dean jokingly replied.

"I'm allergic to shellfish."

"That sucks." Dean apologized as he checked his knives before tucking them in. He looked over at him, "You ready Cas?"

Nodding, they all headed up the stairs to head outside where Raziel would take them to Italy. The plan that they had come up with was sound, but given the sketchy information about Hell, there were many variable they were not able to predict. Thankfully, they only had to bring their weapons, since the nature of Hell was similar to Purgatory, their bodies would not need sustenance. They were just carrying their machetes, a couple of knives and a pair of guns. Dean would carry the compass and some other minor items while he had the notes. They would rely on speed and stealth to accomplish their mission.

Once they were outside, Raziel came forward and touched their chests and he felt a uncomfortable warmth emanate from his bones. It was expected though, his brother was etching sigils onto their bones to his them from demons in hell, very much how he had done earlier to his the Winchesters from Heaven. Stepping back, he gave them room to bid them farewell.

"Say goodbye to Uncle Dean and Cas Robbie." Sam said as he waved the child's arm back and forth. Everyone smiled, it was, as they say, cute. Sam looked at them both, "come back, both of you. I really don't want to go save either one of you. Again."

"Pfft, whatever bit….brother." He chuckled, Dean was trying not to swear when Robbie was around.

"Jerk," Sam replied as he stepped back to let Charlie hug them. They all gathered around him and Dean and bid them farewell one last time. Once they said theirs, Raziel touched them both and he felt the sensation of angel flight once again. It was only a split second before they landed inside a dark cave. Switching on their flashlights, they scanned the surrounding when they began walking further along.

After a while, the floor became level and he could see support columns space out. "It is as we suspected, the original entrance was encased in lava ages ago. These inscriptions, "he said looking at the nearest column that had writing, "are Latin warding spells."

"Indeed, thought the Greeks and Phoenicians also had theirs from early time periods. This doorway to Hell has not been used in almost three thousand years." Raziel continued. Together, they went down the small corridor before they came to large hole in the floor. Looking down, he thought he saw the flicker of golden light, or fire. "This is it gentlemen. This is as far as I can go. From here, you jump."

"Whoa there, did you say jump?" Dean asked.

"Yes." Raziel replied factually.

"That's…..that's a long drop. We aren't going to survive that and we don't have enough rope to climb."

"We're not falling per se Dean, once we recite the incantation, a portal will open that we'll have to jump through. I assure you, we'll land in Hell perfectly safe." He explained.

"Oh god, we're doing the Thelma and Louise thing aren't we?" He nodded while smiling. "Not funny Cas."

"I will recite the incantation opening the portal, and signal you both to jump. Once you're through, I will have to close it. Good luck to you both." With that, he began reciting the old Greek to open the portal. When he nodded to them, Dean took his hand and they both jumped over the edge and into darkness.

They fell for a minute before they hit the portal. At first, it was like splashing into water, but it wasn't cool, but warm, and it had a more oily texture. Cas assumed they were going through the membrane of the dimension at encompassed Hell. It slowed their fall though, but it was suffocating. He held onto Dean's hand tighter, to make sure they don't lose each other. Then they were falling again but only for a second before they landed on hard rock on their feet.

"Let's never do that again." Dean said as he let go of Cas. He nodded and they both looked around. The area they landed in was empty, desolate. The earth was cracked and had edges like glass, and the small holes where streams of fire flew upward at random intervals. In the horizon, he could make out what appeared to be cliff with a black waterfall.

"That must be the River Styx," he said pointing at the waterfall. Dean took out the compass and the needle pointed in that direction as well. Nodding to each other, they began walking toward the distant river.

After some time , Dean asked a question. "So…was Hell always here?"

"To my understanding, no. From what we are told, this used to be a place where the souls would go to contemplate their life on Earth. When they reached a certain point of enlightenment and forgiveness they ascended into Heaven. Those who did not, stayed here. When Lucifer fell, he came here and twisted its purpose, to show the evils humans are capable of, how pitiful and weak they can be. He also was the one responsible for the time differential between here and earth. He needed time to create the first demons."

"You're saying then, that he made this place as a 'fuck you' to God?"

"Just about, Lucifer was…is immensely prideful, and he wanted to show God what he favored creation can become."

"So why leave it like this? Why didn't God reset the place?"

"Honestly, I do not know. I don't recall much from that time in particular, but Raziel and Itheriel have filled in some gaps. By the time Lucifer was bound, there were too many demons even for the host to deal with. You see Dean, in Hell, we are at our weakest, being so far from Heaven. I suppose you can say, that Heaven and Hell are on opposite sides of the universe. Here, we're barely stronger that the average demon, except for the archangels."

"How did you get to me then?"

"Remember Dean, we laid siege to Hell. Tens of thousands of angels descended into the pit. My garrison was supposed to be defending our flank until we were overrun. Sounding retreat, we went through the closest exit until I felt a pull to head someplace else."

"Wait. Did you hear that?" They both stopped and listened, but all they heard was the flames that roared on occasion. Looking around, they saw no one. When they turned to face the nearby river though, they say a tall robed person wrapped in shadow. The face was obscured by the hood they wore. Immediately, they both took out their guns and knives.

The figure tilted its head and said, "Castiel," in a whispery voice, almost raspy. "What has become of you to be mortal and on the very doorstep of damnation?"

"Who are you?" he asked, keeping his gun trained on the stranger. Dean also moved a bit closer to him as well, to give him a bit of cover.

"I? I am the warden of the wicked, sentry of those sentenced to suffering. I have no name, it was lost long ago when I fell with he who rebelled."

He lowered his gun, "you're a fallen angel?"

"Yes…cursed now and bereft of my grace, I and those like me are now the burdened to ferry those of who are damned." The fallen raised a skeletal hand to them both. "Neither of you are dead, demon or angel but mortal living men. Why do you come?"

Moving close to Dean so he can whisper into his ear, "this must be the ferryman, though I did not know they were fallen angels. That's how he must've recognized me."

Dean nodded, "we were looking to have a chat with the two in time out, we don't plan to stay, promise." Cas saw he put on his suave goofy smile.

"No mortal shall pass lest he pay the price, and the price is death."

"Can't we bribe you? Cas, aren't supposed to give him a gold piece or something?"

Rolling his eyes, he faced the ferryman, "we come to seek only another mortal soul being held here against his will. Is it not your charge to ensure the living remain out of Hell?" The ferryman tilted his head, so he pressed his case. "And there is no rule forbidding mortals to come down, at their own risk and free will, to complete a quest?"

The hooded form nodded. "Very well, though you enter at your own risk. Be warned, you may pass, but your exit is uncertain and not expected." He held out his hand, and a boat rose up from the river. "Take this boat, do not stay on it long, nor drink the water." Then he vanished.

Dean walked over to the boat, which looked like it was made of rotting wood. He put a foot in, and it bobbed a little, but no leak was apparent. Shrugging, he got in and helped him into the boat. Casting off, Dean used the paddle to push the boat along. "Pretty sure we were supposed to pay him. I got a bad feeling off of that deal Cas."

"We did not deal anything Dean, he merely allowed us to pass. The classical interpretations of the denizens and functions of Hell are inaccurate. Remember what Crowley said and what we read. The demons here control everything, I doubt the ferryman could've stopped us."

"Yeah yeah, I remember, but we're on the Styx Cas, like Dante and Odysseus." Dean chuckled, "man, if I could only play 'Boat on a River' by Styx right now, that would be hilarious. So what's next?"

He pulled out the notes that he had complied, a sort of guide to Hell before they left. Most of it was Crowley's notes, that was out of date, and whatever lore they thought accurate. "Crowley said that entry would be easy, but we would have probably go through the layers of Hell. The first we passed, the next should be the place where all the souls gather to be harvested. Since his 'infinite line' system fell apart by now, he said it would probably be like feeding frenzy. Various demons fighting to take a share of the newly arrived. We have to find the path leading further down at that point."

"So avoid being scooped up by demons, gotcha. Now, what did the Dementor back there say our return is not expected?"

"He was probably trying to intimidate us. We're going out through the Purgatory breach though, so we won't see him again."

"Yeah, hope this spell you and Raziel cooked up works. It's the linchpin of the entire plan."

"It'll work Dean, all the spell will do is repurpose the compass to seek out monsters." In truth, he hoped it work too. Looking over the boat, the river was jet black and still like glass. Their boat hardly made a ripple, but he knew they were moving, the landscape, if it can be called that, was passing quickly by. Soon, they were beyond the cracked fields of obsidian and now between steep cliffs. There was no sky, just infinite darkness that shifted like black smoke. There was not light source in the 'sky' to be seen, but there was light, weak but he was able to see ahead some distance. He thought perhaps, there was no light at all, but a faint glow from all the surfaces that made it appear like light.

How long they stayed on the river, they did not know. Sometimes they talked, or nestled against each other, but most often they stayed quiet and alert. Finally, the river widened until it almost seemed they were on an ocean. Far in the distance though, they could both see a red light stretching across the entire horizon. Dean had stopped paddling a long time before, but now they moved toward that light at a swift pace. It wasn't long until they reached the edge and stepped out of the boat.

Once out, the boat sank and disappeared into the dark waters. Dean shrugged, and pulled out the compass, and they began walking in the direction it pointed. The red light was much brighter now, reaching well above them. It was as if the sky was on fire. A short walk from the shore, they found that they were actually on a cliff overlooking vast plains.

It was what was happening on the plains that made them pause. They were filled with people, running all about, with no direction and in fear. By some magic, it wasn't until they were at the edge of the cliff did they hear the cries of the damned. The reason why they were running was because clouds of dark smoke constantly swooped down and flew off with one. Some of them would collide midair and began to fight.

They both knew those clouds were demons, collecting the souls and fighting each other for them. The scene though was one of total mayhem. Beyond the plains, he saw a towering ruins of a wall that ran across as far as he could see. Then he recognized it.

"Dean! I remember this is the place where we laid siege. We have to go over the wall to move further in!" He shouted over the roar of voices.

"We'll have to make a run for it once we get down!" He pointed to some stairs leading down. "Looks like that's the way!" Taking his hand, Dean lead him to the staircase and further into Hell.


	3. The Fields of Capture

3

 

The staircase was very narrow and unevenly hewn from the cliff itself. He had to let Cas go and let him follow his lead down. It was steep and long, he had to say that the height was easily higher than the Grand Canyon. The closer they got, the more detail he can pick out from what was happening in front of them. Against the cliff, there appeared the be the ruins of the buildings. Through some of them he could see what appeared to be portals of inky darkness where more souls walked through. Cas saw them as well and surmised they were the remains of Crowley's 'infinite line' organization stations.

From what Cas had told him, it seemed that Crowley kept Hell under tight control. Don't get him wrong, he's happy they took him from this place. Without the King, Hell has indeed devolved into an absolute mess.

"Where do they take the souls?" he asked over the wails of those below.

"Don't know. I suppose to whatever area the demon is from or works for. The more souls they get, the more power." Cas replied.

"They draw power from the souls themselves?"

"Demons can't, not directly…they can power themselves from the pain, fear and anguish…negative emotions basically. Not as powerful, but in sufficient numbers, just as good."

He recalled his own tenure down here, how all he felt was the negativity, the despair. That did more damage to him than any torture or violation that Alistair made him suffer. For a long time, he had tried to bury the memories of what he went through, what he did down here. He and Cas knew that in itself was the biggest risk to the mission. But that was why Cas was with him, to be his rock and keep him focused.

In time, they reached the bottom. Most of the souls were herded away from the cliff, so they weren't noticed by anyone. The sigils and hex bags they had should keep them invisible to demons as well. However, if a soul brought notice to them directly, it might be possible for demons to see them. Charlie said they worked as a perception filter down here, they won't be noticed because they don't want to be. Bring attention to themselves, and the spell is broken. It was also the reason why they can't kill any demons. It'll cause a disturbance that'll bring others.

Cas stood next to him as they looked over the plains. From their vantage point, it almost seemed like the mostly flat and rolling hills of the Midwest. But the grass was dried and withered, the sky a threatening unnatural red. The souls that came out of the portals made easy pickings, and once a couple was scooped up, the rest began to run. There was no place to run to though, all there was the plain between the cliff and the wall.

"We'll have to get through the wall, it serves as the barrier from here to the other regions of hell." Cas said.

"Should we run for it or play it cool?" he asked.

"I think we should walk. There are some souls walking and not running. Conserve our strength."

"Cas, can we even get tried down here? I mean, I think we were on that boat for days and I didn't feel tired at all."

Seeing the little squint he does when he's thinking, it took Cas a couple moments to answer. "Hard to say, time is skewered here, so I don't know how long we've been here. To answer the former, we can, since I think our bodies are being sustained by our souls directly. Like Purgatory, but…you can still tire because you think it. I think. I wouldn't want to put it to the test right now."

"Figures, so we walk. Stay close Cas."

"Where else would I be?"

Together, they left the relative calm of the cliff base and headed into the fray. It wasn't as bad as they thought, most people ran around them with panicked faces. Most were screaming in fear, or calling out for salvation or asking why they were here. There were others though, who walked calmly around, and it was these persons that gave him the chills. Since no one talked to each other, they didn't either. Cas kept close to him, within a hands reach from him, and he wanted to hold his hand, to make sure he was there instead of looking back every other second. He could tell Cas wanted that as well, but they had to keep up appearances.

There were a couple of times that a demon flew near them. Once, a demon plucked a crying woman right in front of him. Every time a demon made a catch, everyone would scatter, so they did too. From the cliff top, it didn't seem so large a distance to the wall, but it was vast. So they walked for what felt like hours until crowds began to thin. After that, they reached the wall, which was deserted like the cliff base.

The wall itself was still tall in most sections, but utterly broken in others. Still, the rubble pile was immense and dangerous to mount. Giving each other a quick kiss for good luck, he tied the rope they brought around his waist while Cas did the same. Together, they began to climb.

"So what is the point of the wall?" he called out behind him.

"To serve as a barrier from the gathering fields to Hell proper Dean. What we passed was nothing more than the anteroom for Hell. After this point, we'll truly be in Hell itself. Demons made it, and carved into the stones, if you can see them, are Enochian warding sigils. That's why we had to lay siege first, to break door the door as you would say."

Dean nodded and reached for the next stone to climb up on. However it was lose and he lost his grip, falling backward. He only stumbled a bit and landed on his back, it wasn't bad, but Cas was by his side in a second. "You ok?" he asked while he patted him down checking for fractures.

"Yeah, loose stone, that's all. Just give me a moment." He held his hand up and Cas helped him to his feet. "So what did you guys use to bring this sucker down?" he asked as he sat down on a large broken stone.

"Ourselves of course." Cas said as he sat next to him.

"What? You threw yourselves against the wall like silly putty until it broke?"

"Just about. I didn't of course, I was a commander. I was told it was not a pleasant experience though."

"I imagine. Must've been like a bug zapper for you guys." The thought of angels throwing themselves against the wall to get zapped was almost funny. Would have been if it wasn't all for him. Recovered enough, he stood up and said, "c'mon." Cas followed his lead once more.

It took some time, but they reached the top of the rubble pile. From here, he could see into Hell itself now. From what he could see, it was like a post-apocalyptic wasteland. There were forests of dead blackened trees, polluted festering rivers, cracked roads and broken houses. It looked like a fire had swept through suburbia. The stench of refuse and burnt meat greeted him, and in the far distance, he saw what looked like a city. A city on fire.

Nudging Cas, he pointed to the city, "is that Pandæmonium or Dis?"

"Neither, it is a just a city, probably built by a demon as his keep. May have even been Azazel's or some other powerful demon, given the size. Looks like it's being sacked though."

He shrugged and pulled out the compass. It pointed away from the city and to what looked like nothing. "Well, we're not visiting that place, looks like we head that way." He said while pointing at the direction indicated. Cas nodded and together, they began the climb down. Once they reached a road, they walked side by side, passing the desolate landscape.

"Where is everyone?" he asked.

"Likely taken to one of the keeps of the various demons. Souls are a precious commodity Dean, and fought over constantly. Without the direction of a central authority, it's as Crowley predicted, a free for all here now. Left alone though, a soul in hell will gravitate to a place to fit its sin. There are regions here where the sins are brought to the surface, like anger, lust or gluttony. I don't know if it'll affect us though if we have to pass through them."

"Anyway of knowing if we enter one?"

Cas shook his head, "doubtful, we probably won't know it until we're in it."

"Fantastic. Well, we'll cross that if we need to."

"Dean…if we do come across something like that, you'll pull me out? It's…I think I may be more susceptible to such influences. I haven't learned to keep my emotions on check as easily as you."

"Cas, you know I hardly keep my emotions in check, I get angry and pissed off, and depressed as easily as the next guy. But we'll pull through, and yeah, I got you if you got me."

"I will." Cas replied. At that every moment though, they heard several barks. Turning around, they saw a pack of hell hounds sniffing the road. He grabbed Cas and ran into the nearest structure that was somewhat intact. Which in this case, was an abandoned fast food restaurant. He head a howl behind them and they ran faster. There was no door in the entrance, so they hopped over the counter and seeing a door, went through it and closed it.

He hated those damn things. Before his deal, he was actually a dog kind of guy. Now, even little Chihuahuas made him queasy. Cas knew this, because he was the one who had his back to the door, holding it closed while he scrambled into a corner. There was click on nails on the floor outside, and loud sniffing. Maybe they're concealment spells don't work on the hounds, and if they don't there're so screwed. He pulled out the demon killing knife and was ready to use it when he heard the sniffing at the foot of the door. They were both holding their breath, hoping the spells work.

It was a few heart pounding minutes before the pack became disinterested and scampered off. Still, they waited for god knows how long before Cas tentatively opened the door and checked the area. Signaling the all clear, they both headed out and resumed their journey.

Sighing, he wondered how big this place actually was. Cas had said before that Hell had no true size, it was big as it needed to be. There definite focal points, like the entrances, the Cage, and other locations, but their relative distance are always in flux, just like the rest of Hell. Crowley had said he was trying to make more Hell more compact, for easier control. He was even planning on installing a subway system… as torture of course, by always having you miss your stop. Now though, it looked like Hell just went to…well Hell.

Then the ground beneath began to shake, and a great crashing sound was heard in the distance. They could still stand, but they looked over to the source of the sound. The city they had seen earlier was now beginning to collapse upon itself. They watched for a few moments while its dark towers fell on themselves. They could see hundreds of demons flying around the destruction. Cas then began walking again, and reaching out, they took each other's hands as they went on.

It seemed they walked for ages, and the scenery changed of post-apocalyptic suburbia to a swamp that was shrouded in mist. The paths became twisted and could see little flames the blinked on and off everywhere around them. The sky had changed to a dark ever present dark grey, like a winter sun shining through a heavy dark fog. There was a stench now of stagnant water and a rotting vegetation. And now there was he ever present soft weeping by unseen persons. There was something…oppressive in the air, and it made him feel anxious but curiously, also lost and melancholy.

Taking comfort that Cas was beside him, they pressed on into this swamp, not knowing what will befall them.


	4. And Tears Shall Fall

Cas did not feel the swamp was neither threat or concern. The air did not have a malevolent feel, but it felt heavy, but in the heart and soul. All around them was a dense fog, and muted light, so they couldn't see no more than a couple yards in front of them. The paths were mostly dry, if moist, and bordered by tall reeds or calm brackish water that were like mirrors. Will-o'-the-wisp were seen, flickering their green ghostly light. The soft sound of muted crying was ever present, but the source was never to be seen.

"Dean, I think we crossed into a demons domain," he said as he tightened his grip on Dean's hand. This was not like the open areas in hell, there was a definite influence here, something was creating this swamp.

Dean just nodded, keeping alert. There were hundreds to demon princes, lords and leaders. Some were content to just punish the souls they happen to ensnare. Others had functions, such as Crowley's old job as King of the Crossroads. There was sudden chill in the wind, and it made him shiver. "It's all right Cas, stay close." He knew though Dean felt it too because his also shivered as well.

The somber atmosphere did not let up all the time they walked, which had become difficult. The compass they had pointed them in the right direction, but sometimes they had to double back to take another path because they didn't dare step into the water. It was frustrating, but there was something in the water, calling to them. If they stepped in, they had no clue on what would happen. It wasn't until they happened upon the first soul did they find out would happen.

It was young woman in a white dress who came through the mist. She was following something only she could hear or see, but by her face, they could tell she was enraptured by whatever it was. She then sat down beside the water and gazed curiously into the still water. Slowly, they saw the color drain from her face and tears began to fall from her eyes into the water. The lost look of despair was written all over her and her tears never stopped. Soft laments came from her barely moving lips. She never moved after that, only her tears and mournful sounds indicated that she was even there.

Now they knew what would happen, and what the place was. These were the Swamps of Sadness, domain of Anderiel, demon of sorrow. She feeds off the hopelessness and grief while she drinks the salty tears of the souls that come to her. She is old, powerful and respected. "We need to get out of her quickly Dean, the longer we stay, we'll eventually fall into despair."

"Cas…I think you better take the lead." He did not like the sound of Dean's voice and turned to face him. He can see that Dean already had an ashen complexion, and his eyes were filling with sorrow. "I don't think I can go on." Dean almost turned to look at the water, but he grabbed Dean's face and made him look at him.

"Fight it Dean, fight it…please." He wouldn't lose Dean here, not this way. He pulled at Dean to follow him, and Dean begrudgingly did so. "Don' t look at the water…concentrate on me," he kept on saying behind him, as he in vain sought out an exit. He didn't bother to look at the compass, all that mattered was getting out. Not only for Dean, but for himself as well as he also felt his memories of his saddest moments being forced to the surface. How long he could keep it down before he succumbed as well was impossible to tell. There was already a pull in him to look at the water. To reflect on his failures, mistakes and shortcomings. To just…give up.

"Cas…" Dean called out softly as he stopped, halting him as well. He turned around to see that Dean had already had some tear streaks on his check. "I can't…move." There was a strain on his face that showed that he wanted to, but didn't have the strength to resist. "I'm sorry…for everything Cas. For being a jerk, not loving you the way you deserve. For failing Sammy so many times. Being a disappointing son, a con, a sellout….I don't deserve…of God, Cas. Forgive me."

Desperate, he did the only thing that came to mind. He kissed Dean suddenly and without warning while he grabbed him to keep him from moving. He poured every happy moment that he had into that kiss, his first flight, hamburgers, the first time they kissed. Everything.

But he still felt the tears coming down from Dean against his own check. Releasing his lips, he looked at Dean, who still had the look of despair…but also hope in his green eyes. Not thinking, he motioned Dean into piggybacking him. The kiss was enough to break the hold a little bit, but he knew that it was only temporary. He was tempted to cradle Dean and cry into each other's arms for all eternity. Using what will he had left, he lifted himself and Dean and began walking as best he could.

"Tell me Dean….tell me what makes you sad…and I'll tell you what makes me happy." Maybe if they vocalized their feelings, they can attempt to stay afloat.

"I'm a horrible son, even though I did everything dad asked me too, I knew he favored Sam over me. I'm a worthless sack of shit that has no real skills…."

"And I'm a recently fallen angel that has yet to have any skills either Dean. But what makes me happy is the thought we can learn something new together."

Dean slightly tightened his grip on him before he responded, "If it wasn't for me, you would still be an angel."

"If it weren't for you, I would still have a stick up my ass and be another angel dick." He got a small chuckle, sad still, but a chuckle nonethless out of that one. "Your hamburgers make me happy," he added.

He felt Dean slump a tad bit, "I never really learned to cook because I never had a home."

"But you do now…complete with family. I'm happy that you included me in your family."

"Robbie is never going to have a mother because I couldn't save her. He's going to hate me when he learns the truth." Dean rested his head against his neck. His muscles were straining at Dean's weight, and he couldn't hold out much longer. This last revelation, he couldn't think of an appropriate happy memory to counter it.

"Dean…we can't predict how things will be in the future. But…you saved him. Do remember the first time you say his face, held him on your hands?" He was grasping at this one, hoping one would stick.

He felt Dean sigh, and looking ahead, he thought he say the mist begin to lift a bit. "Or how about the time your father gave you the Impala? Driving her down the highway, volume at unreasonable levels, singing?"

His knees began to buckle, but the fog was lifting now, and he was walking on solid rock now. He continued his thoughts of happiness, "remember the time we went to Santa Fe and I made you try the nopales? The face you made was priceless, but took another couple of bites. Or what about the stripper bar?"

There was no way for him to see it, but he could feel Dean smiling. He knew they were out of danger when Dean kissed him on the back of the neck. "Yeah, I remember the whole 'den of iniquity' thing. Hadn't laughed like that in ages."

Sighing in relief, he let Dean go for him to stand on his own feet. "Dean, you're going on a diet when we get back home."

"Pfft, I work out. But…thanks Cas. For getting us out." Dean placed his hand on his shoulder and gently turned him. "Let's get out of here." Nodding, he let Dean take the lead again where they encountered a small stone wall with stairs leading up. Once they were up, they saw that ahead of them was a dark mountain range that jutted up like jagged teeth abruptly from the blackened earth. Looking back, they could see that swamp that very nearly claimed them both.

Now that they were above the fog layer, they saw it stretched for a long ways. In the middle was a small tower that from the top spewed forth the mist the blanketed the place. He figured that must be Anderiels keep.

"Damn, almost ended up like Artax there."

"We're free from it now Dean."

Dean turned to him, "no, not really Cas. Those feelings are inside me…and I do feel like that sometimes and I really do fear Robbie won't forgive me."

"Dean, I know. I know how you feel, even now. And I feel them too. I almost wanted to give up in there too. But the thought of us, stuck there in our own misery when there is hope. I wouldn't allow it. Yes, you have a lot of guilt Dean, but so do I. I'll work on mine if you work on yours?"

Nodding, Dean agreed, "deal." Looking back to the mountains, "I wonder what fun waits for us next."


	5. The Old Ways

He was glad that Cas there, again, to save his sorry ass. Dean knew about his own weaknesses, but that place…it brought out the deepest saddest feelings in him. All he wanted to do was just pout and cry forever. Sure, it wasn't manly to admit that, but if he's learned anything, manliness means jack shit. Ever since began his relationship with Cas, his machismo had changed from being a cloak of his feelings, to being a way to convey his true self. Ok, some things we won't admit to, like the man crush on Dr. Sexy and the fact that he really liked it up the ass. Others though, like kissing Cas in public, enjoying LARP and cooking, he'll readily admit to enjoying.

Going in, they both knew something like this might happen. Given that Hell was in an chaotic uproar right now, they would have to expect the unexpected. Then again, that was the story of his life, so it wasn't so much of a change for him. Still, the notion that everything was fire and brimstone or nicely organized like Dante described was ridiculously wrong. Both were kinda right on some stuff, but way off on others. Best he can could describe it, it was like mini-nation states with a bunch of no-man's land between them. In the center of it all, was the Cage.

But it wasn't in the center like in the middle of a map, or even a globe. Raziel described it best. The Cage was like the center bubble with all the mini-Hell bubbles on its surface inside another bubble. And the bubbles are all swirling around. He got that, he also got that it meant there was no real path to the center, you have to make one. So that's what they were doing.

After escaping from the Swamps of Sadness, they found a hole in the mountain side. It was a tunnel carved straight through, leading downward. The only light were thin veins of what looked like fire embedded into the walls themselves. It just enough to see where they were going but that was about it. Down they went side by side until there was a light to be seen. Once near the entrance, they looked out to see what lay on the other side.

They saw what appeared to be a palace in the center of a well maintained green field. There were even tree's and a large stream running through the meadow. They looked at each other surprised. This place was actually nice, pleasant, inviting even.

"Ok, this is surprising. How did  _Better Homes and Garden_  get a spread in Hell?" he asked while scratching his head.

"I do not know. Let me see if we have any notes on something like this." Cas brought out his notebook and flipped through the pages. It was a few moments before he found what he was looking for. "I think this might be the home of Hades or another underworld deity. Crowley noted that most of them like to be kept away from demons and have their own little world. I think we just found one."

"Awesome, I hope they don't try to kill us." Nearly every god they meet ends up trying to kill them. Of course, they kinda were asking for it when he and Sam stopped the human sacrifices and all. "Any idea which one this could be? Hel? Hades? Harvey Keitel?"

"No clue, the building looks modern and I don't see a mailbox." He shook his head. Cas still needs work on his humor.

"All right…well, let's just pass on through until we find the path again." Taking out the compass, he noted the direction and started walking towards it. Cas followed behind him slightly, taking in the sight.

"We never knew this was even here when we came down. They must expend a great amount of power to keep this hidden. I think this might be a remnant of the Asphodel Meadows, maybe Elysium." He detected a small amount of wonder and curiosity that Cas rarely ever displayed. He just let Cas chipper on about his theories on the place when they came close to a gazebo. It looked like it had a couple of people in it. Holding out his hand to warn Cas, the other man fell silent and looked over to where he was pointing.

"What do you think, play dumb, sneak or meet and greet?"

"Meet and greet Dean, you know how the pagan get touchy when you don't show them respect."

Nodding, they both headed to the gazebo. Getting nearer, they saw that there were two women with blood for tears guarding the entrance while a man and women were enjoying some food. The man looked old and very similar to Donald Sutherland if he had to say, but the women was a knockout. She had dark brown hair with green eyes and olive skin. Her shapely body accented by the way her robe fit on her. It was she who noticed them first.

"Look dear, we have guests," she purred at the man. He was thinking this was Hades and Persephone, giving the spring –winter dynamic they were showing.

The old man looked at their direction, "ah so we do. It's been a long time since hero's came down. Come forward, and name yourselves."

"Dean Winchester and this is my…partner, Castiel." He left out the former angel of the lord thing, pagans get touchy with angels.

"I am Hades and my wife Persephone. Tell me, what brings you here? No mortal has come down in millennia."

"Sightseeing. Writing a travel guide. That kinda thing." He's going to play the charm angle on this one. The real purpose of their being was better kept secret.

Hades didn't buy it. "No reason to withhold the truth, but your business is your own. Though if you seek passage through my lands, I have a request before I give you leave." He felt a chill down his spine, he hoped he wasn't going to ask for their hearts. Seeing his expression, Hades laughed, "oh, no worries, nothing harmful. All I ask is news. It's been a while since we have heard anything above ground."

"No CNN down here?" Cas shoved him slightly with his elbow telling him to knock it off.

"Not since Hermes stopped coming by and all Hell fell apart." Hades said giving them an irritated look. "Answer our questions, or the Furies will tear you both apart."

He held his hands up in surrender, "whoa, no need to jump the gun, I just thought you guys can go wherever you want. I mean, your Hades, a god…the god of the underworld."

"Only because Zeus tricked me! I should have been king of the Olympians, it was my birthright as firstborn!" Hades shouted as he got up. When he did so, the earth shook slightly and the light dimmed as if a great shadow covered the sky.

Lowering his arms, he was going to gamble on this piece of information to calm the god down. "Well, hate to break it to you, but Zeus isn't around anymore."

"Dean, what are you doing?" Cas whispered in his ear. "Trust me on this Cas," he replied quietly.

Persephone got up and gently lead her husband back onto the wicker sofa. He had a dazed look on him, as if he couldn't believe what Dean just told him. He knew this was one hell of a risk, but from the sounds of it, the guy had a big problem with Zeus. Hades recovered quickly though and looked directly at him, "how?"

"Prometheus. Artemis shot him while Zeus held him, but he pushed the arrow through killing them both." He explained, leaving out the part where he and Sam were trying to trap and kill Zeus anyway.

"Ah, well, his mistakes always came back to bite him. Chaining up a titan was a bad idea. I actually liked Prometheus, he was a good titan." Hades sighed, "still, he was my brother. An arrogant, selfish hedonist he was, but he was still my brother. Tell me, how's Lucifer enjoying his freedom?"

Cas stepped forward, "he's back in the Cage."

"Oh? He must be unhappy about that. How he groaned when he was first stuffed in there. After the first millennia though, you get used to it. Daddy issues." Persephone said while picking up a goblet.

"How long have you guys been here?" he asked curious. "I thought Lucifer was the one that created Hell."

"Please, we were here first, I and the other gods of death. When he was first came down, he made us work for him in making Hell what it is now. Then he bottled most of us in here. Saying we weren't needed anymore. After killing several other gods as an example, here we are. And when he was imprisoned, we didn't have power over our own domain anymore." Hades explained. "He may be an archangel, but he was even more arrogant than Zeus, and saw humans with contempt."

"And how do you view humans?" Cas asked.

Hades smiled, "it's because of humans we exist. When your ancestors thought to explain the world, the faith of their belief created us initially. We are in a sense, a reflection of the people who created us. And we in turn create more."

"Interesting, is that the same for all gods?" Cas indulging his curiosity apparently, and his too.

Hades shook his head, "no, depends on the god. Some are spirits of an area, or person who took on those attributes. Belief is can be very powerful. That's how Lucifer was able to craft such massive changes here in the underworld. The belief the damned had in their punishment gave form to Hell. Demons just help it along." Then Hades looked directly as Castiel. "Now tell me, how does an angel become a human?"

"How did you know?" he asked while he reached for his gun.

"Before he disappeared, Hermes told us about Dean Winchester and the angel Castiel who pulled him out of here. How he was gathering the other gods to fight against Lucifer. He came to see me because of the Olympians, I was the only one to deal with him. He also told us how you and your brother were the bait. Now tell me, what happened?"

The look he gave them both was scathing, but not terrifying. Hades seemed to want to know what was going on, so he gave him the story of what happened in the Elysium Fields Hotel. How they eventually escaped and fought the devil himself, casting him back into the cage.

"And that's, why he's back. But Michael is in there too…using my other brother as a vessel. That's why we're here, to get him out." Dean finished. Since he was telling the whole story, may as well tell the truth as well.

Hades looked pleased, "that is a noble quest, to save your brother from unjust imprisonment. In this, I shall help you. Not only do you have leave to go through my realm, but I will tell you the shortest way there." He got up and came down from the gazebo. Then he pointed to what appeared as a lonely mountain in the far distance. "That mountain has an entrance in it, not unlike the one you went through to get here. It will lead you to one of the most primordial hells, Lust." He looked at them both were seriousness, "there are no demons there, but has an influence on all those who enter. Take heed, do not stray from each other. If you make it, there will be a small door. That will lead you to the cage. I wish you success on your quest." With that, he turned around and joined his wife inside the gazebo, giving them no more attention.

Seeing that they were dismissed, he and Cas moved on in the direction of the mountain. "What do you think Cas? Should we trust him?"

"By all accounts Dean, Hades has always been altruistic in his dealing with hero's and their quests. In this matter, I believe he can be trusted in what he said."

"I didn't get the feeling he was trying to pull as fast one on us either, so let's do it. Any info on Lust though? And why no demons?"

Cas answered as he pulls out his notes, "Hades is right in saying it is a primordial place, it is where the first succubi and incubi were made, demons of sexual pleasure. When the angels came down, we were advised to avoid it because of the turbulent winds there."

"You mean Dante go that one right?"

"Partially, the winds are created to reflect the fleeting and empty nature of lust. It would have made flight hazardous to us." Cas looked over his notes. "It was abandoned by everyone because the demons created there would not listen to anyone, nor fight because all they wanted to do was…"

"Have sex," he finished.

"Right. So all that's left there are whatever souls that happen to make it there. Eventually, those souls would become empty as lust is and become hollow caricatures of themselves to the point they feel nothing anymore. From what Crowley wrote…well all he wrote 'stay the bloody hell out', but he did note that there was rumor of a door there."

"Ok. Doesn't sound great but not horrible either, and if it's a shortcut, then let's take it." Cas nodded beside him and put away his notes. Together, they set off to the distant mountain, their goal almost within reach.


	6. A Thin Line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Rated M for Sexual Content

The journey through the realm of Hades was surprisingly easy and hassle free. It was like an oasis in the swirling darkness of Hell, being full of beautiful living things. He attributed that to the power of Persephone, her attributes being tied to growing things. The pagan gods always presented a foil to angelic understanding, and were usually not thought of in the heavens. Pagan gods were in general more powerful than the average demon, but woefully underpowered compared to an angel. Thinking on what Hades told them about some of the pagan gods being a reflection of the people who created them, he found the idea intriguing. When he returned home, he would like to research for possible correlation.

For now though, he was bracing himself. The opening he and Dean found was similar to the one that lead them to Hades. Lust was a region that everyone told them was to avoid. Remembering what he could as an angel and whatever notes they had from the bunker beforehand was all they could rely on to prepare them. However, as evidenced by their near entrapment in the Swamps of Sadness, they were mostly in the dark. As an emotion lust was basically desire at its most intense. Here though, it was associated with the physical desires, in particular, sexual desire.

If it was similar to the swamp, it is was likely that their desires, especially their sexual desires, would be inflamed to the point that all they wanted to do was just, as Dean said, fuck. Pure, simple and never-ending. And that was the trouble he was beginning to foresee. It's something he doubted he could resist, and something he knew Dean would not resist, not for very long at least. Looking over at Dean, he knew that he loved him and he him. However, his attraction to Dean was not based on this physical appearance. In fact, he always saw Dean as that shining soul he first found, swaddled in shadows yes, but shining through bright. A major hurdle for them both was how to express their love for each other in a physical manner. His being that as newly human, he had resolve what he could feel by the limits of the human body. For Dean, it was the fact that his body was male in gender and unused to eliciting pleasure from said form.

Still, they worked slowly at it, from simple hugs and cuddles, to full out sex. He greatly enjoyed his sex life, the fact that he had a sex life made him smile. Angels are beings of energy, celestial intent, and as such, are genderless. They do not procreate nor have the desire to seek pleasure for itself. When they take a vessel, they do not take on its gender identity. However, there were angels who became interested in sexual gratification and when they took vessels, indulged in it. He did not do so first out of respect of Jimmy, then because he did not find anyone he liked to do so with. Meg was a distinct possibility, and one he may have taken her up on had she lived. Though, when he and Dean first slept together, he loved the feeling so much, he read all he could on the subject.

"What's on your mind Cas? You've been smiling all this time and its kinda creeping me out." Dean said interrupting his thoughts.

"Oh, just thinking about sex." He replied, but hastily added, "because of where we're going. Lust is a dangerous place."

Dean huffed, "yeah, well, I think sex on the mind is what the place is supposed to do to ya. Wish there was a way we can, shield ourselves or something." He sighed, "lust is one weakness of mine Cas, and if I'm worried I'll fall apart like I did back at the swamp."

He had wished for some way to protect them as well, but they had neither the time nor resources to find a way. "I wish that too Dean, but I doubt there would have been a way. This is the nature of Hell, to bring out the worst in us. Just remember what Hades said though, stick together." He smiled at Dean, "finding you last time was a pain, and I prefer to not do so again."

Dean rolled his eyes, "better, but not by much. Next time, use 'pain in the ass'." Humor was a concept he still was getting a hang of. He didn't understand it, some things he meant to be serious the Winchesters found hilarious, when he tried to be funny, they looked at him weird. Charlie was the only one who appreciated his attempts as she found them adorable. Sighing, he looked ahead.

They spied the entry way long before they were near it. An eerie green glow came through it as they neared. Once at the entry, they stood together to survey what they could. From their vantage point, they could see that the door lead over a causeway across a bleak and dark land. Stepping out, they say there were in a valley of sorts, but it was grotesque. There were weeds and thorny bushes that bore wilted flowers. Streams of some foul liquid that was more like slime running every which way, and it gave off an offensive odor. There were even trees, but they were diseased and bore shriveled fruit. It was windy, and it was the kind of wind that was cruelly cold, stealing ones warmth. In the winds they could see souls in the endless ecstasy that they were crying in pain, being thrown about.

All the winds and souls though seemed to lead to the center of the valley, wherein sat a small walled city with one large tower in the middle. It was phallic in shape, and even from this distance, he could see that the gates were formed like a vagina. The city was also the source of the glow, casting a now alluring green glow into the surrounding area. The souls he could see swirled around the tower before they entered through the top.

"Well damn…" was all he heard Dean say before he turned to him. "Ready?"

He nodded in response, and together they walked along the paved causeway to the city. Along the way, they saw that there were some souls on the outside, naked and debasing themselves in every conceivable manner, crying out to be loved, to be held, to feel. Seeing them made him feel ill, and looking over at Dean, he saw it was having the same effect on him as well. He wished this would be the worst of it, but he knew they have yet to feel the full power of this place on them yet.

When they neared the city entrance, he could tell that the gate was anatomically correct, and on closer inspection, it appeared not to be made of stone, but actual flesh. He had never been with a woman, only with Dean, but he wondered if the feeling was the same. Dean grabbed his arm, jarring him from his thoughts.

"Stay with me Cas." Dean said in a low growl.

"Of course," he replied in a matter of fact tone. Dean didn't let go, and began pulling him along. Passing through the streets that were filled with souls. The buildings were small, but built next to each other. The streets themselves were paved and lit by torches. Even the air smelled sweet and fresh. The souls were naked or mostly so, representing the entire spectrum of humanity. The atmosphere here was vastly different from outside the walls. It was…lively and he felt a tightness in his pants. Some passing souls tried to grab out to them both, but Dean swatted them away.

There were obvious sounds of coitus and cat calls being made in every corner. They pass through one square where a show was put on display. One had two men using a dildo to fuck each other at the same time, a women displaying bondage techniques and a transvestite doing something that involved ping pong balls. He pointed to the two men, "Dean…that looks like fun! Maybe we should try that once we get back home."

"Not now Cas." Dean said through clenched teeth, making him turn around.

"What's wrong Dean?" he asked as Dean made them move on.

"I'm losing you man, we have to get the dodge outta here soon." They came at a crossroads, and after a second, Dean picked to go left. "You don't feel it Cas?"

He thought for a moment, yes, he had felt his libido suddenly rise when they passed through the gate. His interest in the place was merely academic though, he had no interest in indulging. "Yes," he conceded, "but I can handle it. I was able to resist the maenad Dean. I can resist temptation."

"I don't know Cas, you're basically drooling at everyone here."

He pressed closer to Dean. "Do not worry Dean, I will remain chaste here. And you?"

"Rather not talk about it." They were near the tower now, which at its base held a large building that was decorated in flowing green banners. It was like a classical Roman temple, set in a wide square. He only saw people heading out, never in though. This is where the must come out from where they entered at the top of the tower. "Ok, if there was supposed to be a secret door leading to the big guy, I'd bet it's in there," Dean said already pulling him toward the building.

A couple of souls came up to them when they came near the building, offering themselves in whatever fashion he and Dean wanted. He declined while Dean ignored them and kept on walking. They were propositioned a couple more times before they even made it to the door. He was wondering how this place was even punishment, it seemed like a relaxed place where he could indulge his human bodies most base desire. His cock was beginning to bother him, being hard and untouched for a long period of time now. He wished that they would just stop so he can relieve himself, or better yet, let Dean jerk him off.

"Dean, it is becoming difficult for me to walk comfortably while I have this erection. Do you think, if we find a private place, I can relieve myself?" He asked when they went past the door. It opened up to a large room where a large staircase at one end lead up, presumably to the tower. From there the souls came down. Otherwise, it was unadorned and there were several doors to choose from including a staircase heading down.

"No Cas." Dean said gruffly. "Not here, we have to get out of here. Now hold it together!" He sounded angry, but he could hear the fear in voice as well. Not waiting for a reply, he gripped him tight by the hand and went to the stairs. Trying he best, he tried to concentrate on the present, on Dean. His hand was tight, but warm, rough and strong. Imagining Deans hand caressing his face, his bare chest, when Dean pinches his nipples during sex.

He looked at Dean leading him down the stairs, he can imagine them heading down the stairs back at the bunker, to their room. Their room, where they can totally open to each other, feel each other. Dean let go of his hand for a bit when they reached a landing that lead into a hallway to check the compass. When Dean began walking, he followed so he can watch the way Dean walks, with his bowlegs. Legs that just begged to open him up and fuck. And he knew Dean liked it, he loved it actually.

Unable to take it, he wanted to feel Dean now, he wanted to be in him, and Dean to be in him. He wants to feel every inch of his skin, he wants to feel the sweet release of orgasm. Surely, one measly jerk off wouldn't delay them. Grabbing Dean, he pressed his lips against the surprised hunter and with one hand, began running Dean through his jeans.

He saw that Dean's eyes fluttered up a bit and he let out a startled but relieved sigh. "Jesus Cas…" he panted as he unzipped Dean's fly and reached inside. As he suspected, Dean was rock hard and he began playing with the head, causing Dean to buckle a little bit.

"It won't take long Dean…please…" he begged as he used his other free hand of release his straining erection. He kissed Dean's neck, then his cheek. Using the hand he was stroking Dean with, he snaked it up so he could touch Dean's chest. It was then that Dean pushed him with incredible force knocking him against the wall. Oh…Dean wanted it rough then, he can do rough. Smiling, he advanced back at Dean. "You can go first Dean…maybe we can find some lube…or do it rough."

Dean punched him in the face, making his see stars for a bit. That he was not expecting, but the pain felt good. He wanted more, pain, pleasure, he needed more. "It's ok Dean…" he rasped as he unbuckled his belt and shoved his pants down. "I can take it…I need to feel you, inside. Now." He turned so he can present his ass to Dean.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he thought it was about time when Dean spun him around, punched him again, then held him in a choke hold. His last thought as everything was fading to black is that he hoped Dean would wait until he came around so he can come.

* * *

Dean felt the immediate pull of debauchery once they were inside the city. The gate was freaky, it seemed like it was alive, waiting for them to come in. On the way over, he saw the souls outside, how they were empty shells, burnt out by their desire. He and lust are old friends, and he's fallen for it for more one night stands than he could count. However, he knew there was a thin line between lust and love that most people got confused over.

Lust was a selfish desire, one feeding to his ego and base desire for gratification. It was easy to get lost in it and think it was love. The thought if he had this, having the desire fulfilled, would make him happy. It doesn't, it empties you, drains you. Love on the other hand is selfless desire, one that feed his heart and soul because he was happy the other person choose him. Love fills you whereas lust empties you.

He kept that in mind as they searched the streets. Hades nor the notes gave them any idea where the door was to the Cage from here was. Figuring it more than likely under the city in a place not accessible to others, he headed to the tower. Looking back at Cas though, he could see that he was losing him, if not in action then in thought. When they came across that plaza of where the demonstrations were being held and Cas made the remark about trying…whatever was happening on stage, he didn't look…he knew he needed to hurry up and get the hell out of here.

The place was having an effect on him too, he could feel his own dick beginning to swell with all the naked persons around. But he kept his focus on making it to the door, to leave. Cas though, seemed more susceptible to lust. Maybe because of his newness to being human or genuine curiosity, he hoped Cas had enough willpower to stick with him.

Inside the lower area of the tower though, when Cas surprised him, he nearly broke. Cas playing with his dick, kissing him, he felt the desire to give in. To just take Cas right then and there, to find release. Then his rational mind kicked in, screaming no, and he pushed Cas away. He felt the red hot desire in his belly flare, pulling him to just let it happen. When Cas presented his ass for him, the pull to just fuck the living daylights out of Cas was so strong he, he almost did. But his heart told him this wasn't right and his mind screamed for him to run and save them both.

So, with tears in his eyes, he had to choke Cas so he would black out so he could carry him. Once he was out, he pulled up Cas's pants and after tucking himself back in, lifted Cas in search for this door to the cage. It was hard, carrying a dead weight with a boner, but the need to escape and save them was strong. His love for Cas was even stronger, and he would never take advantage of Cas in such a state. This was not his Cas, not the man he loves.

Following the compass as best he could, he found himself in what appeared to be an old cave far far below the tower. It was dark, but taking out his flashlight, he saw at the end, there was a door. It looked ancient, but written on it were symbols he recognized as Enochian. This must be it. Once they were through, Cas should return to normal, like he did when they got out of the swamp. Opening it, he saw only blackness.

It wasn't dark, it was pure blackness, not even the flashlight was able to pierce it. It was…nothing. There was nothing to indicate there was another side either, no wind, not sound, just black emptiness. He didn't like it, but it was the only chance to save them both. There was no way they can come back the way they came. Not even he could resist much longer. Hoping this was it, he stepped through into the inky blackness and the door slammed shut behind him.


	7. The Empty Silence

Once he stepped through, he felt he was falling, flying and floating all at one. The door had slammed shut as soon he was through, and it was complete and utter darkness. He held onto Cas tight as he could, making sure they stayed together. Feeling is own libido return to normal, he hoped Cas would be ok once he woke up. Choking Cas until he backed out was a better alternative than punching him out or tying him up. Hopefully Cas would understand and forgive him, but it was the best he could do in the moment. Now they were out but where were they?

Cas had said the Cage was in the farthest place from Heaven, which as best he could explain it, was outside creation. It was in the void, where nothing existed, no space, no laws, no time. And somewhere in a place that didn't exist, was the Cage where the brother he never knew was being held. He couldn't see anything, or feel anything other than Cas who he was holding. He used his free hand to shine his flashlight on anything, but there was nothing to reflect…it was empty.

"Cas…wake up." he said while gentle shaking him. "I have no idea on what I'm supposed to do here." Cas moaned slightly. "C'mon Cas, wake up."

He took a while for him to come around, but Dean didn't mind holding him, they were weightless after all. Cas coughed a couple times before he sensed that Cas was looking around. Turning off his flashlight since it was useless, he maneuvered Cas into being cradled with both his arms.

"I'm sorry Dean…I lost control back there." Cas said with a sad and embarrassed undertone. "I thought it would be like resisting the maenad, but I was too weak."

"Shhh, it's ok Cas. It happens, and it nearly got me too. But we're out…and well, as you can see, we're nowhere. Sooooo…..where are we?"

He heard Cas let out a sigh and lean closer into him. "The void that surrounds the Cage. We're heading there now, it'll take a while though. Last time I was here I had wings, but this time we'll have to rely on whatever momentum we had and the gravity of the Cage to pull us in."

"So we're drifting there? How do we get to the exit?"

"Drifting would be an accurate description, as for getting out, there is an escape hatch. The Cage isn't supposed to have an entrance, but there needed to be a way out just in case. There's a one way portal near that'll deposit us near what used to be Lilith's domain. I used it last time to get out with Sam.

"As long as we're not in back into  _Satyricon,_ I think we can handle it. Or the swamp. Strike that, I'll be good once where out of the this God forsaken hell hole."

Cas chuckled, "Dean, this is Hell. It  _is_ forsaken by God."

"You know what I mean." he tried running his legs. "This kinda feels like flying. I wonder if this is what it feels like in space. Being weightless and all."

"Flying is a different from this, at least for angels." Cas looked down, "I wish I could've shown you them before they were gone." He felt Cas nestle his head against his chest. "Still, I would choose you over having them back."

Metatron took that chance away from them, but at the same time, douchebag as he was, he did set in motion what happened. If Cas hadn't fallen as a human, would he felt the same way towards Cas? He remembered what Anna said about falling in order to feel emotion, all emotions. Cas even said that even though they can feel love, they felt things differently as angels. It wasn't until he fell that Cas realized that his love and bond with Dean was more than just platonic, but romantic. Whatever could have happened, he was happy that at least they had each other now. Other than Sam, Cas was his closest friend, his best friend, and he loved him just for that simple fact.

* * *

They drifted for however long, with no frame of reference, there was no way to tell time. Cas knew that he probably should remove himself from Dean, but he felt very comfortable in his current position. Dean didn't seem to mind, so they flew on by mostly in silence, or making small talk. He was deeply embarrassed how easily he was willing to debase himself in front of Dean. At least it was just Dean and not in the middle of a crowd. His throat was a bit sore, and he would most likely have bruises on his face, but it was better than the alternative. Had he continued, they both would have become mindless bodies in search for more pleasure to sate their desire. The nature of lust though meant there was no satisfaction to be had, it would have devoured them.

He shuddered at the thought, and when he did, Dean just kissed him lightly on the forehead. It made him smile. Dean liked kissing on the lips, but he preferred to kiss the back of his neck or forehead. He sighed and tried to prepare himself for what was coming next. Now there were no demons on his tail, so he could actually do this spell correctly to ensure Adam came out whole.

The real challenge depended on how damaged Adam was. Lucifer tore Sam's soul apart not because he was spiteful, but because it was the nature of an archangels being. They were power, so powerful that the only beings more powerful were God and Death themselves. However, he would be curious to see how Michael would have dealt with the Leviathans. No matter, the power they held was so immense, no soul could endure it. Their light literally burned the soul of their vessel, rendering it damaged and in time, destroyed. It was one of the prime reasons why the archangels didn't take vessels. How Gabriel got around it was a mystery, one sadly that will remain forever unsolved.

He caught a glint off in the distance. Since it was the only other thing here was the Cage, he realized the must be near. "Dean…I think we're getting close."

"I see it, do we just land once we spot a place?"

He nodded, "The Cage is built upon an rock. It is…lit though I suppose, it stands out would be a better phrase. There is not light here."

"I noticed….wait, I see it." Dean replied as he looked down. Sure enough, there was large edge they were falling toward. Dean tightened his grip as they touched down light as a feather. He let himself down and stood across from Dean. There was a light now, though there was no source. When he was an angel here last time, he was his own light. Now seeing the place through human eyes, it looked intimidating. The Cage itself was huge black cube, that was an even darker than the darkness that surrounded it, if that was even possible. It rested on an asteroid, but the rock face had a slight luminous quality about them. It was enough light for them to get their bearings at least.

"Ok…lets, get to work." Dean said as he took out some chalk from his pocket. He took out the notes he had and together, they walked over to the Cage and began drawing the sigils needed to make a door for Adam to use to leave the Cage. It was a simple matter of exploiting the construction of the Cage, it was meant to contain archangels. All they had to do was make an give Adam the ability to come through. To do that though…it was going to do something he was not looking forward to.

Last time, his hastily constructed spell pulled out Sam's body only. He did not want to grab the attention of Michael or Lucifer, so he did it fast before they noticed. However, in his haste, he forgot Sam's soul. This time around, they weren't going to do it fast. They were going to ask Michael to let Adam go. They would still pull out Adam by force if need be, but if Michael willing gave him up, then there was a better chance Adam would come out whole.

As Dean finished his task, he cut his hand to use his blood to summon Michael. Massive as he Cage was on the outside, inside was infinite nothingness. They needed to draw him out to talk. Dean got up and patted his back and stood back as he finished drawing his set of sigils and activated it before he himself stepped back. It only took a moment, for him to come.

At first, it was like the beginning of a sunrise, then it progressively got brighter until the section they were nearest was an intense light, but tempered through the Cage, they can see a part of Michaels true form.

 _"Castiel and Dean Winchester. Never would have thought you both to come down to the Cage."_ Michaels voice boomed, muffled as it was.  _"Come to pay your respects or to apologize?"_

"Neither! We come for you to release Adam as your vessel!" he replied. He and Dean agreed he would do most of the talking as Dean had a particular habit of pissing angels off.

_"Tell me first though Castiel, how do you come to be here? Lucifer has said that he destroyed you after you set me alight with holy fire."_

"What, now you're both in time out, you two talk? That would have been great if you two did that before you had your pissing contest." Dean retorted.

"Dean…" he said giving him a look to be quiet. Turning back to look at Michael, "God brought me back."

_"God? God is gone from us all Castiel."_

"You are wrong Michael. He was always here, on Earth in the form of the prophet Chuck Shirley. It was he who brought me back, and he who approved of what we had done. He had most recently spoken to Sam, who has since brought Heaven back to its former glory. The angels have remembered their original duty. To protect creation."

_"And what of Raphael and Gabriel?"_

"Ask Lucifer about Gabriel, as he was the one who stabbed him in the back." Dean answered. There was a slight shaking on the ground in response to Michaels anger.

"I killed Raphael, I would not allow him to begin the Apocalypse again." he added.

There was silence, and though he knew that Michael was upset at the death of their brothers, he felt more sadness than anger.  _"Truly, if you stopped Raphael, a lowly seraph, and brought back by God twice…"_

"Three times." Dean cut in. "Maybe four."

_"…as I was saying, since God has brought you back numerous times, it is evident that you have his favor. If what you say is true, then my place is here in eternal battle with my brother. I have no need of my vessel here."_

That was surprisingly easier than he expected. "Why?"

_"I have always done what I thought was Father's will as I interpreted it. It is now obvious that I was wrong. Only Father is omniscient, and I did what I thought was right. Be warned though, the Apocalypse will happen, perhaps not now, but in the future. Lucifer's anger runs deep, and you are right Castiel, it is our duty to protect creation. Even humanity. As such, I will wait here until the day comes when this cage is broken."_

"What do you mean in the future Michael? Aren't I supposed be your true vessel? Cause I'm telling you now, the answers still no." Dean asked angrily.

_"Dean, you are indeed my true vessel. Now. But recall what I told you when we first meet? It's your bloodline that makes you a vessel. The Apocalypse will happen, sooner or later. Some things are set points in time. I thought the time was now, I was wrong. But it will happen, though how escapes even I. Know that I will not actively seek it out, this I give you my word."_

"Dean…he's right, but as long as there is a Winchester around, there'll be chance to hold it off another day." He said. "Michael, thank you. Now, if you could, can you release Adam? We have set up the doorway for him to leave the Cage. And I am sorry, but I cannot let you go, there is no way to open the Cage now for you or Lucifer."

_"All things change little brother but I understand. Adam is whole, and will let him pass. I have kept him safe and asleep since we entered."_

Dean looked confused "why did you do that?"

_"There is no need of a vessel here. And unlike Lucifer, I do not torment. I have kept him asleep and repaired the damage taking him as a vessel has done. It was never my intention to take him, but I was forced to because of you Dean."_

"I know." Dean replied looking down.

_"The fact that you are now here, in the very heart of hell to reclaim him, speaks for itself your love and loyalty. It is a moving, even to an archangel."_

He walked over to the set of sigils Dean made, and laying his hands on them, began chanting in Enochian. When the sigils begin to light up, he knew that Adam was coming through, causing Dean to rush over. Adam's head and shoulders then came through, and Dean grabbed what he could and pulled the rest of him through with his help.

Adam was asleep, but he looked the same since Stull. Still, Dean checked him all over while he turned back to Michael. "Thank you Michael. I know you meant well, as did I. But I know the burden of having immense power and responsibility, and it was heavy. Perhaps one day we shall meet again in Heaven."

 _"Perhaps indeed Castiel. Father always had something planned for you, even though I never knew what."_ There was rumble in the ground and behind Michael, it sounded like a howl.  _"Lucifer comes, and you must leave. Quickly."_

He and Dean nodded at each other, "the portal out of here is not far, can you carry him Dean?"

"Yeah, kids light." Dean grunted as he hoisted Adam over his shoulder. "Thanks Michael, for watching out for him."

_"Castiel, if you ever see Father again, can you let him know I tried to be a good son?"_

"He already knows brother. Take care." he replied as he took the lead from Dean to show him the portal out. They reached it when the titanic struggle between brothers began inside the cage. The loud cracks of pure raw power clashing was deafening. Upon reaching he portal, he took Deans hand and before stepping through, he looked back in sadness at his older brothers fighting.


	8. Down Memory Lane

The portal out hurt like a son of a bitch just like the one that lead him out of Purgatory. He had Adam slung over his shoulder and Cas holding onto the other one when they passed through from the Cage to another dark place. However this was different from the nothingness from before, there was actual rock beneath his feet and there was heaviness in the air. Cas turned on his flashlight as he let of him and they could see they were in a cave.

"This appears to be the same cavern I was in when I last was here. Up ahead should be Lilith's keep." Cas turned to face him, "I think we should perform the ritual here so we can get out of Hell to Purgatory."

Adam seemed out cold still, so he placed him against the wall and took of the compass. It was a nifty device, now they needed to change the setting from the Cage to Purgatory. Handing it to Cas who took it along with own notes, began fiddling with it as he returned to his half-brother. He knelt down and took out his own flashlight. Looking his over, he looked pretty much the same as he did on that day at the cemetery. Adam had a slight build, as tall as him, had the same dirty blond hair if but a tad more blond than theirs. He favored his mom he guessed more, but there were definite Winchester features…and the infamous Winchester luck. He was looking him over when Adam began to stir.

"Whoa…take a minute there Adam." he advised as Adam opened his eyes and suddenly tried to get up.

"Where…where am I?" Adam asked.

Getting up and shining a light on himself, "it's ok…it's me, Dean. And don't panic…but we're in Hell."

Adam looked shocked, "but…but Michael took me. Did…did he lose?"

"Uh…kinda, Sam and I locked both Michael and Lucifer back up in the Cage. That's why we're here, to get you back." Dean took a step forward, "look, I know we got off the wrong foot, but we're still brothers and I don't leave family behind."

Nodding slowly, he looked around him. "So where's Sam?"

"He is indisposed at this time and unable to join us…with your nephew." Cas said joining them before he turned to Dean. "The compass is ready," he said as he handed him the compass. Then he turned to Adam and handed him some amulets and hex bags. "Please keep these on your person, they will hide you from demons."

Looking at Cas confused, "aren't you an angel, can't you fly us out?" Adam asked.

"I am no longer an angel." Cas remarked.

"What happened?"

"I fell some time ago. It's a long story." Cas said as he moved forward. "I'm going to look out ahead."

Adam turned back to him, "how long have I been down here?"

Oh geez, he was kinda hoping to avoid this conversation until they were topside. "Well…and don't get mad, but it's been almost four years."

"And you're now just getting around to getting me out?" Adam yelled.

Frustrated, he replied back in kind, "hey! We've had our hands full with trying to keep the entire planet together. So sorry ok! But this is the best I can do!"

Folding his arms, Adam let out a resigned sigh, "whatever. I was dead before, so it's not like I'm missing much." Then he made an overly dramatic gesture for him to lead, "lead on big brother."

"Listen Adam, I would've come sooner, I swear."

"As I said, whatever. Now can we get out of here?" Adam replied, but he could see that he was angry. Must be like him, keeping things bottled up. However, hell is not the place to reconcile, so he walked to go after Cas, making sure Adam was following.

* * *

 

He left the two brothers to reacquaint each other behind him as he looked over the cave entrance. This part of Hell he was familiar with as he was here before. To the right of him was the large palatial keep that once served as Lilith's base. How that she was dead, one of her lieutenants had charge of the place. Whoever it was unable to keep the place in order for long, for it was now mostly abandoned and deserted.

Her realm was small compared to other demons, even though she was the first demon. Demons were constantly fighting each other here, and her power base waned especially once the Knights were destroyed. However, as the first demon, she was one of the most powerful, being crafted by Lucifer himself, so no demon can match her one on one. She was cunning though, and was part of the cabal of powerful demons who subtlety directed, if not in itself controlling the power of Hell. She and that cabal were dead now, thanks to the Winchesters.

Sensing Dean and Adam behind him, he waited until Dean pulled out the compass to lead them to Purgatory. Seeing over Deans arm that it was pointing to the left, which was another empty and broken plain of Hell. Dean took the lead and he and Adam walked step behind Dean. He took the time to explain the plan to escape to Adam, who asked questions every so often. He treated Cas indifferently, which was to be expected since he hardly knew him. However he could sense the hostility and anger he had to both Sam and Dean, and it was understandable. Though he himself was not blameless in this matter either. But he could only take one and he choose Sam, just as Dean choose the same when he made the deal with Death.

Adam seemed to make it a point to avoid talking to Dean directly on the journey, and kept his conversations with just him. It was causing him to be uncomfortable acting as the middle ground between the two, but he would prefer to keep the peace until they were out. So he appraised Adam of what had happened in the time he was gone. It was quite a bit, but he hoped it conveyed what his brothers were doing instead of rescuing him. From his viewpoint, Adam remembered only being taken as a vessel and then waking up here. Michael was indeed telling the truth in keeping Adam asleep and safe.

When he was finished the latest exploits with the Thule, Adam was quiet for a long time. In the silence, he changed his attention to the surrounding area. Some of these landmarks were starting to become familiar with him, but it wasn't from the rescue of Sam, but when they first laid siege.

"Dean." Adam called out, causing Dean to pause and turn around. He looked at Dean, and saw that he had his hard face on, the one where he looked angry but was just really concentrating on keeping his emotions in check. Adam continued, "ok, look Cas told me what you guys have been doing, and alright, it was a lot of stuff to sort out. And we never knew each other and I can't say I still do, but you came for me. Twice. So…I guess what I'm saying is…thanks."

Dean took a moment, but he could see there was a small smile, "it's what family does."

He was happy to dear that Dean and Adam had finally…or at least took the initial step in reconciling. There was a small smile on his face too as they resumed their journey. Dean and Adam actually began talking to each other, hesitantly at first, about their respective lives. To him, their lives were almost like a mirror reflection of each other. Whereas Dean and Sam lost a mother with their dad introducing them into the hunting life. Adam had his mother, but only John very rarely to barely count being in his life and a normal life.

Looking up from his thoughts, he saw that he knew this place. There was no doubt about it now. "Dean…I know this place."

Dean broke his conversation with Adam and looked around. They were nearing a low squat castle that looked medieval. The surrounding area had changed a while back, to a now twisted and dark forest. Some demons flew overhead carrying souls to the castle. "Well, where are we Cas?" Dean asked as he took out the compass again.

"This is Alistair's keep. I recall Balthazar and I with a few of my garrison got lost here. It was here that I first felt that pull, and eventually, where I found you." Looking over at Dean, he saw that most color drained from his face and there was a small sweat on his forehead. Then he saw that the compass pointed to the castle itself.

* * *

 

He was on the rack for most of the time he was in Hell. Even once Alistair took him off and began his tutelage, he never ventured out of his workroom. The memories of what he went through, what he had done came flooding back to him in detail. He would give almost anything to never be back here, not in this place. It was here that Alistair tortured him for nearly thirty years. At first, it wasn't so bad, he was simply chained and left alone for god knows how long. The pain wasn't so bad, and in time, it was dulled, though it was nothing compared to the ache he felt in his heart about leaving Sam all alone.

Then he was pulled up, he was taken and placed on the rack. It was a large stone room that was set up like an operation observation chamber. It was then that Alistair introduced himself, and in his true demonic form, he was hideous. His voice though, was the worst, it was like a grating hissing when he spoke, and it made him uneasy whenever he did. He thought he knew pain too, but when Alistair started…there was no words to describe the anguish he endured. Nerve endings exposed, flesh cut precisely, timing perfect, it was horrible. Along with the physical torture, he was constantly told he was weak, worthless, pathetic and nothing more than a toy.

And in time , he began to believe it, and he was a grunt, a toy for them to play with. He acted like, sure, he resisted at first fighting back as much as he could. In time, he was wore down, and his body was a toy thing to be used by anyone. When his self-worth and resistance was nil, he broke then and asked to be taken down. He wanted to be the one dishing out the pain to make his stop. With Alistair whispering in his ear with his clawed hand on his hand, teaching him the best way to cut, to torture. He did it happily, and he was happy to satisfy his master in whatever way he wanted. And there were so many ways.

It's been nearly five years, but the memories of what he went through, what he did still haunts him. He still wakes up at times from the nightmares in a cold sweat. However, Cas is there now with him, and when he does, Cas is there to soothe him, clams him down and soon he's asleep again.

But now he's here again, looking at the place where he nearly lost his humanity. Where he began the breaking of the seals and setting into motion the Apocalypse. This is where is all began, and his stomach twisted at the thought of going back in. It's one thing to be remember you sins, it's another to have it shoved back into your face.

"You sure Cas…that this…this is where you found me?" he asked with a slight tremble in his voice.

"I am certain Dean. Alistair's keep is infamous for its torture rooms. What was left of my garrison wandered here by accident. However, when I felt your pull on my grace, I had to act upon it. We rushed the keep and that's where we found you."

"You were there?" Adam asked.

"Yeah, not a happy story, I'll tell you about it sometime." He looked back at the compass. "Well, this thing says it's there. So I guess we're going in."

"Sam said that it was in a dungeon like place, so it was probably in the lower levels. That's where the portal must be." Cas explained before he looked over at Dean and spoke in a lower volume, "you ok Dean?"

"I'm good, don't worry Cas." he replied with as much confidence as he could muster. "Ok, ready guys?" They nodded.

"Stay close Adam, we should be hidden from demons but souls can still see us and tip them off." Cas advised, Adam nodded and together, they walked as stealthily as they could to the castle.

There was a moat that surrounded the castle, and from the stench, Dean figured it was acid. It was filled with spikes and impaled souls. The gate was open and they walked on through to a hall that was filled with suffering souls in various stages of dissection, posed like statues. Demons flew by constantly, but they never gave them notice and the souls were so wrapped up in pain they saw nothing. He couldn't help but think if any of these were his work, as Alistair told him once he displayed his best work for all to see.

He constantly checked to see if Adam and Cas were next to him. Cas had his set face of impassiveness while Adam looked like he was about to hurl. Which, given the passing grotesqueries they passed by, was understandable. They eventually found a door that lead them down into another hallway filled with cells. They had to cross it and when they came to the large door at the end of the hallway, he froze.

This was it. This is where he was cut up, chewed on, violated and tortured. This is where he did the same to others. It looked exactly the same, though it was obvious to see it was abandoned. The tools he had used were still on the floor and the rack was askew. It also seemed that there was small layer of ash, like everything got singed lightly.

"This is where we first meet isn't it Cas?" he asked as they made their way to the other side of the gallery.

"It is."

"We should take a picture. For nostalgia." he said jokingly, trying to mask his deep guilt and shame.

"I would prefer to get out of here as quickly as possible. And we didn't bring a camera." Cas replied in a neutral voice, though he could hear the worry in it.

"This is like some twisted operating theater…and there is where you two first meet?" Adam inquired.

"This is where…where Cas gripped me tight and raised me from perdition." He recalled the first time he recalled meeting Cas, but this was the real place they meet. This is where the end of the world began, or nearly did. He felt a shiver down his spine as he once again recalled all that happened here. "Let's get out of here, this is one trip memory lane I would like to forget."

* * *

 

When Cas saw they were walking down the same halls he remembered, he worried for Dean. Being back here might set off a trigger in him. This is the last place they should be, but it was the only choice they had. When they entered the gallery though, he recalled the fight between him and the demons guarding this room. It was Balthazar who threw down the door, while Uriel and he rushed through to fight whatever demons were on this side.

There was only one, and it was Alistair, a powerful prince of Hell. Behind him was Dean, who paid them no attention, but was instead flaying the skin of some poor soul. But even through that foul act, through the grime of guilt and taint of darkness, he could see Dean was still shining through, the Righteous Man. They were never supposed to find him, that was not their mission. Why he felt compelled to come here, he still doesn't know. When Dean looked up though, the connected for the first time.

Dodging Alistair, the angels flew around him, knowing they were no match for him in his own domain. He gripped Dean tight and flew, right through the ceiling that still bore their retreat. Once they were free from this place, it was he who sang that Dean Winchester has been saved. He cradled that soul so damaged, it clung to his grace so tightly that it actually absorbed some of his grace into itself. And thus began their tumultuous relationship, branded together when they first meet. Perhaps his grace and Dean's soul always knew each other, that's why he felt the pull. For love indeed transcends time.

Walking softly now, they passed through the near endless rows of caged souls. Some called out to free them, but most were so lost in their own damnation, they went unnoticed. There were some close calls when some demons came near, but the spells held and they slipped by. It was a huge maze, navigating the cells underneath the castle. It was blind luck they found the portal.

Before stepping through, Dean turned to face Adam. "We're going to go into Purgatory, and the spells hiding us aren't worth a damn in there. So we're fighting out way through." Dean handed him a gun and his spare knife. "Ready?"

They both nodded, and stepping through, they left the fire and went into the frying pan.


	9. In the Land of Monsters

"Well…at least is sunny-ish here at least." Adam remarked when they passed through. "Everything looks…washed out here. What's the deal with that?"

"Purgatory is closer to Earth then Heaven or Hell, as in the souls here do not affect the environment as they do there. God created this place to keep the Leviathans from creation, and since most monsters descend from Eve, a mutant Leviathan, their souls are kept here." he explained, "and here, they do what monsters do…hunt and kill."

"So…those things that ate me and my mom?"

"Here, but I doubt we can find them," he looked over at Dean. "I never was able to solve that metaphysical question."

"Which one?" Dean asked as he began heading to the direction of the exit. Sam had given detailed instructions back, so as long as they moved quickly, they hoped to avoid any monsters.

"Kill a monster in monster heaven, where does it go?" he asked, trying to keep up with Dean.

"Maybe it's like  _Riverworld_ , they end up somewhere different in Purgatory." Adam theorized as he walked briskly along beside him. "So what's here? How many monsters are there?"

"Hundreds…Eve popped them out like no other." Dean supplied. Dean suddenly stopped and held up his hand, signaling them to be stop and be quiet. He pulled Adam next to him behind the largest tree and looked over at Dean. Dean looked back and held up two fingers and mouthed vampire. Then remained still, waiting them to pass.

No such luck, they were upwind from them and the vampires caught their scent. They came crashing through the bush right at Dean who rolled away and used his machete to mostly slice the head off one. He jumped in to flank the other vampire who sidestepped him but then left himself open to Dean, who grabbed him long enough for him to slice through the neck cleanly.

"Holy shit! You guys are fast!" Adam exclaimed coming out from the tree.

"You do this your whole life, you learn to be fast." Dean said calmly as he cleaned his blade. "This is the life dad was protecting you from, cause it's like this day in and day out."

"Well, he did a shitty job keeping you guys out of it." Adam retorted.

"Yeah, he did." Dean agreed and he pointed down to the decapitated bodies. "Vampires. They don't glitter or do the stake to the heart thing. Only way to kill them is to behead them. Oh, and daylight is annoying, but not lethal to them."

Adam nodded, "they drink blood then?"

"Yeah, they have a secondary pair of teeth that sharp as needles. Most are evil bloodsuckers, but there's a couple that are ok." Dean explained.

"Like Benny. Do you think Dean we might encounter him here?" he asked.

Dean shrugged, "kinda hope I do, but there's no way telling if he's even alive. Sam said he was fighting when he stepped through. If we do though, I'll see if he wants to come topside again." He looked over his shoulder, "better get a move on."

They began their trek again, though he took lead as Adam and Dean conversed on the various monsters they might encounter. Dean was inadvertently training his youngest brother, if only to defend himself here. Hopefully it wouldn't come to that, but Purgatory was huge. Here though, the time was relative to Earths and distance was finite. In Hell, time was in flux and distance was relative whereas Heaven was outside of time and infinite in nature. He wondered what the fey realm was like, or the other dimensions were like. The magicless universe where their lives were a show seemed particular interesting. Stuff like this though, trying to figure it all out was above his, as Dean would say, his pay grade.

Soon the day passed into the night and they found a spot to rest. There was no need to sleep here, just like there was no need for food or drink. At night though they were disadvantaged because of their limited sight, so it was better to wait until the sun came back. He and Dean leaned next to each other while Adam leaned across from them in the small cave they ran across. Noticing some dirt on Dean's face, he cleaned it off. When he looked over at Adam, he looked at them curiously.

"Are…are you two a couple?" Adam asked hesitantly.

He felt Dean stiffen beside him, and he worried for a second Dean would deny it, but Dean said,  
"yeah…that's not a problem is it?" He used the tone he termed the 'the answer better be no.'

"No, it's totally cool. I just took you as a…well, a ladies man." He could tell Adam was sincere. There was an article he read that stated that the newer generation of Americans were far more accepting of homosexual relationships than previous generations, like Deans. Personally, he didn't consider himself homosexual, it was a term that held no weight to him. He loved Dean, simple as that.

Dean chuckled, "I am…" he punched Dean with his elbow, "was…listen, if you want pointers about making out with the ladies…"

"Nope. I'm good." Adam cut him off. "Dean, I'm 20…well, technically, I guess I'm almost 24 really, but I think I can handle the ladies all by myself."

"Pfft, I thought that too man, but I'll let you figure that out with Sam. He's the touchy feely one."

"Yeah, I noticed." Adam shifted, "so, what's the plan when we get back? Are you going to train me like dad did you guys, carry on the 'family business'?"

"Hell no! You got dragged into this life bad enough as it is. We have a prophet, Kevin, who's about your age. He's heading back to school, if you want to do that, then cool. Let's just talk about this stuff when we're out of here 'k?" Adam nodded.

* * *

The night was spent in silence, especially since there were howls that sounded far too close for his liking. Dean though about what Adam has asked. They were pretty close to the end now, and though there were some close calls, they made it so far without serious injury. Once they were done with this mission, he had to face, at long last, what the future would hold for him.

For him  _and_  Cas he corrected himself. He still had a hard time thinking of a concept of  _what_  to do in the future. The mere fact that he was hoping for a future was a miracle in itself. All he knew know is that he had a person who loved him, broken as he is, a brother…correction, brothers, and a nephew. A sweet home, baby and no one was trying to end the world. He wanted to keep it that way for as long as he could. For now, he'll focus on that.

When the dawn, or what passed for dawn in this bleak world they resumed their journey to the exit portal. He kept them at a fast walking pace, with cool downs every so often. According to Sam, the portal shouldn't be far from here now. The woods were beginning to look familiar, though, all the woods looked the same really. He had the feeling that he had been here before. It was only a little while he was able to spy the cliff from a distance that held the portal.

"Dean…do you hear that?" Cas asked and he listened. It sounded like there was a fight, a pretty big one at that, not far from them. Holding his finger to his mouth, they silently walked forward to see what was happening. He would like to go around, but there's only one path up the cliff, so they had to see who was fighting. If it was two monsters going at it, then all the better. He was right though, it was two monsters, five actually, but one was one he knew all too well. Benny.

Who was cornered by the remaining vampires. Dean saw that two vampires were already dead, along with what looked like a couple leviathans decapitated. Then he heard one vampire speak.

"Clever, running us into some leviathans but you're not the only one to stop them for a while Benny. The Old Man has a hit out on you, and we're not going to stop coming."

"And here I though y'all were after to have a nice talk about the weather." Benny retorted.

Dean turned to Cas, and he saw that Cas already knew what he was going to ask. "Adam, stay here." he told his brother before he and Cas jumped out. they were able to catch them by surprise and already had two beheaded before the others could react. Seeing his chance, Benny took out the ringleader and it was only a small scuffle before the other two lost their heads.

Once the dust settled, Benny gave him the best hug he ever had. "Brotha, what brings you back here?" Benny asked after letting go.

"Kid brother, had to bust him out from Hell." Dean replied Adam came over from his hiding spot. "Last we saw you, Sam said that vampires were all over you. How'd you make it out?"

"Please Dean, I've been in a tumble or two, I can handle them." Benny huffed in his gruff voice.

"Like you were handling that back there?" he pointed out.

"I had it under control. My maker figured he don't like Purgatory much and has a bunch of vampires out for my head. This ol' dog still has some tricks." Benny then saw Cas and gave him a hug too. Then he looked at Cas weird when he let go. "Something's different about you angel."

"It may be perhaps that I am no longer an angel." Benny arched his eyebrow. "Long story."

Dean walked over, "Benny, come back with us. Please." He had half hoped he would run into Benny here, so he can offer him a way back home. "It's different topside now, we can make it work. We can find a way for you to fit in. I won't leave you to fend for yourself this time."

Benny shook his head, "don't know brotha, you offerin' a sweet deal, but I can't say that'll be a good choice for me. I belong here, with my kind Dean."

"Dammit Benny, you can do more good back there than here." he almost shouted back before he reigned in the volume.

"Benny, please return with us. Dean is right, things have changed considerable since you left. We can do more for you, to repay for what you did for Dean, and for Sam." Cas pleaded. "I found a way to fit in, and so can you."

"Please Benny, I can't leave you here. You're like my family too, and if you don't come back with us now, I'll find a way to come back and drag you through." He would too. He's never going to leave another family member behind again. "I'm not leaving if you don't come with man."

"Neither shall I." Cas added.

Benny mulled it over, and he saw that there was no point in arguing. "I ain't agreeing to this, you coercin' me into a corner and all." He looked up. "We better make this quick, I think we're going to have company soon."

Cleaning his blade, he cut himself and Benny, and preformed the ritual. Again, he felt the heat of Benny's soul in his arm, but he got him. Now he just needed to get through the portal and his family would be whole and safe again.

"Dean…Leviathans!" Cas shouted as he grabbed Adam and began running up toward the cliff. He ran after them and looked over his shoulder. At least four landed somewhere behind him, but he couldn't see them. Looking forward, he saw that Adam and Cas were already scrambling over the cliff face. He was right behind them when he looked over again. There were three black suits behind him, the other must have stayed behind to reattach the other two ones back there.

He climbed up as quickly as possible and as soon as he had a hand on the ledge, Adam pulled him up. Cas was trying to push a rock over and together, they quickly sent it over the edge. The portal was only couple hundred yards ahead and reacting to their presence. Not checking if they hit anything, they ran as fast as they could.

"Guys, look out!" Adam yelled, as he ducked when he sensed an arm coming from behind. Cas spun around him and cleaved the guys arm right through before he was punched in the face by another Leviathan. He used his momentum and swung his blade right through the neck of the injured one.

Cas rolled away from the punch and then jumped back up and began walking backward toward the portal, keeping the leviathan at bay. He himself was doing the same, knowing the portal wouldn't stay open for long. "Adam, get through the portal!" he shouted as he swung at not at the leviathan facing him but at the one that Cas was facing. The sucker avoided his blade but ran smack into Cas's. Now there was only one, but behind her, he could see that the other three were climbing up. "We need to make this quick Cas."

"You're stating the obvious again Dean." Cas said as he pulled out his gun and emptied the clip into the leviathans face, distracting it. With that moment, he scrambled up the small stones and into the portal. Adam handed his gun back and he aimed at the leviathan to buy Cas the time he needs to get to the portal. Cas was sprinting up and grabbed Adams arm when Dean finished emptying his gun. With Cas in, the portal closed and they were thrust into the escape hatch between dimensions.


	10. Home

 

The exit portal was a small wormhole leading between Earth and Purgatory. It was, as he found out, an unstable wormhole, and during transit, he felt being pulled in every which way, intensely hot, then cold. It was like falling in a blue whirlpool of light, or more accurately, a blender. Then there was a bright light and he felt himself stumble forward with Dean and Adam beside him.

As soon as he grabbed onto Adam's hand and the portal closed, he felt elation. They had done it, they had crossed Hell and Purgatory to save Adam. Not only had they succeeded, they were mostly whole and unscathed. There was a bright light and he felt himself stumble forward with Dean and Adam beside him. What hit him first was the cold and though the air was chilled, it smelled like a forest. A living breathing forest under the winter sun. A curious sensation swelled inside him, it was like lightness that made him want to laugh. Looking over at Dean, he saw his goofy smile come across his face causing him to mirror him. He realized the sensation was elation of victory. Yes, his body ached and he suddenly felt hungry, but he was alive and what's more, they accomplished their mission.

Looking over at Adam, he saw the young man take stock of the area. He and Dean literally went to hell and saved him. It dawned on him that every time he has gone to hell, it was to free one of the brothers. The thought made him chuckle. He supposed this is what it feels like to do something right  _and_ have it succeed. He didn't notice Dean sauntering over and embracing him in a deep kiss.

"Ugh…you guys can cut that out now." Adam said with mild amusement after a while.

Stepping back, he felt slightly dizzy from the loss of nearness and warmth Dean gave and mumbled something incoherent at Adam. Dean pulled out his phone and turned it on. He went to check on Adam who just told him he was fine.

"We were gone for three days, it's only January 15th." Dean announced as he held the phone to his ear. Three days, subtracting at least a day and half for purgatory, he figured he and Dean spent almost a year down in Hell. It didn't feel like it, but then, Hell is in a lot of flux, so it may have actually been considerably less. After Dean was done talking to Charlie, he started leading them to the road which was some distance from the portal.

It was a couple of hours but Charlie was there waiting for them in a comfortable looking SUV. Per her usual custom, she hugged them all, even Adam, who was surprised to find a fiery redhead hugging him fiercely. Climbing into the car, she drove for some time as they told her of the journey across the Hell. He and Dean left out some parts, like how the swamp almost got them and how he acted like a whore in Lust.

In her turn, she told them that nothing much happened while they were gone. Everyone was good, just worried about their well-being. She had already let everyone know they were alive and told them they were waiting for them. Dean told her to take another route though, so they can resurrect Benny.

"As in the vampire who saved both you and Sam? The one who is a good cook and has a Cajun accent? You found him too?"

"It was unexpected, but we kinda hoped we would and now we got him back too. It's going to be hard to find a place for him to fit in, and we'll need to find access to a blood supply." Dean replied.

"You know the answer is simple. Do what vampires did in  _Underworld,_ which is, own a blood bank. We just set him up and bingo, free food supply  _and_  he's doing something good." Charlie suggested.

Dean thought form moment, "how about we wait and ask him? It's a good idea though." He heard his stomach rumble, as did Dean who arched his eyebrow, "hungry Cas?" Then Dean's stomach growled, and he retorted, "I am not sure, are you hungry Dean?" Charlie shook her head and drove on to where Dean buried Benny.

* * *

They snacked on energy bars Charlie stowed away in her car. They only had two shovels so Cas and him began the digging. Charlie was already making calls to find a blood supply so Benny can eat. Adam was browsing on her tablet, catching up on how the world didn't end. It took them a while, but they got down to the body, which wasn't too decomposed and deposited his soul back in.

"Hey there brotha, see we made it topside." Benny said after he had reconstituted himself.

"It was a wild ride again, but yeah." he replied. "There's lots that has happened since you were last here." Cas picked up the shovels and headed to put them back in the trunk.

"You close them gates?" Benny asked as they walked over to the car.

"No, I would've lost Sam if we completed the trials." He tried to think where to start off about all the changes that have happened in his life since Benny went back to Purgatory. The angels coming down, then back up, Crowley, Sam fixing Heaven, the Thule...there as a lot of ground to cover. Smiling, they both climbed into the car and together, they drove for a while before stopping at a hotel to rest and eat. He felt bad for Benny, who had to suffer watching them eat, but he said not to worry, he'll go hunting when they go to sleep. It almost seemed that all the hunger and tiredness was backlogged in their bodies, and they all woke up late. While they were asleep, Charlie was stealthy enough to get their clothes and clean them before they woke up. He was surprised at that, but as soon as he showered and laid down, he was out.

There was a different vibe in the air to him now, like something had changed when he woke up. And for once, it was a good change. He realized that he had accomplished what began so long ago. He had killed the Yellow-Eyed Demon, stopped the Devil, killed Dick and saved his brothers. Sam had also done so much and was now a dad. There was no family left to rescue, not big bad trying to end the world, he was, for one, no longer obligated to save his family or planet.

And then there was Cas, who was sleeping quietly next to him still. Adam was in the other bed, also out still. Seeing the neat pile of folded clothes on the dresser, he smiled at how Charlie was really like a sister by now. He couldn't wait to get back home, see his brother and nephew. There was one thing he should do though, and there was only really one person who could talk with about it.

He quietly got up and changed his clothes and stealthily left the room. He found him outside near the Impala. "Geez, you didn't stay outside all night did you?"

"Games scarce, it took a while to find something worth eating. Though that Charlie, brotha, she's a whole lot of interesting." Benny replied. "She has this thought that I run a blood bank, skim off the top when I get hungry. Not half bad idea."

"Yeah, it is. We can make it happen to, we got ourselves a secret society of angels, ex-demons, prophets and hunters."

"That's a tight outfight you got there Dean, and congratulations on being an uncle. Though, you think Sam is ok me being back?"

"Yeah, he knows. He's cool now. You only have to sacrifice yourself to win his trust." he joked. He placed a hand on Benny's shoulder so he can look him in the eye. "Listen man, lot of stuff, most of it shitty, has happened. But…I wanted you to know…I'm with Cas. Don't want to spook you with this…uh, thing he and I have."

The vampire looked at him with a fond expression with a hint of a smile. "This thing you have, is it like, we're rolling in the hay together kinda thing?"

He blushed, "yeah…"

"Brotha, you don't go looking for a 'friend' in Purgatory, you look for your kin. I may be an old Southern boy, but I ain't no bigot or blind. You killed everything in your path to find your angel Dean. I could see how happy you were to find him, how broke up you were when he didn't make it through."

"Well, he wanted to stay behind…and, that hurt. Then he pulled more crap with the tablets and caused the angels to fall. You should've seen it, it was one of the most beautiful and horrible things I'd ever seen. When they fell…I thought I lost him for good. Again. Then he turned up, half dead and well…he was human. We just, I dunno how to describe it, it just kinda happened."

"Uh-huh, well, you two look cozy enough. He followed you through hell and then some. So why do you look worried?"

He didn't even realized that he was putting on a worried face on. Well, he was worried, cause this next part was going to be hard. "Well, when Sam went up to fix Heaven, he wanted me to marry Cas. I mean, I was…am going to…but, aw hell, I dunno! I'm not good at any of this crap."

Benny crossed his arms, "what are you trying to say Dean? You getting cold feet?""

"No! I want…I want to do it, but I don't know how. All my other relationships crashed and burned, and…well the idea of marriage, what does it mean? Seriously? It's not like I'm going love him more if we tie the knot. Hell, he doesn't even understand the concept of it!"

"So…you haven't even proposed yet?"

"Uh…no, no I haven't. Look, I just wanted your take on it, I know Sam would like me too, so does everyone else…but, I need an honest opinion." He looked at Benny. "This is a whole new thing for me man, and that I want to do it with a dude still freaks me the hell out."

"Brotha, you know what you gotta do already, don't matter what I or anyone else say." He gave Dean his charming smile, "do it your own way, keep it simple. Then you take it one day at a time. That's how Andrea and I did it…one day at a time."

He let that sink in. One day at a time. Do it on his terms. "You're saying I should do it because I want to, not because I should or promised isn't it? And buck tradition, and do it our way?"

"Right on Dean."

"Ok…I think I got it." He looked at Benny with a small smile, "man, I missed you. I promise we'll make it work this time."

Benny shifted uncomfortably, "can't guarantee the future, but I'll try. Maybe the third time is the charm?"

He shrugged, "I've died so many times I lost count." He looked at his watch, "better get back inside and wake the kids and get on the road. And Benny?" The bearded man looked at him with a soft face, "thanks."

"Not a bother, none at all."

* * *

When they arrived back home at the bunker, Sam nearly squeezed him and Dean to death. Adam gave Sam a more guarded handshake that Sam pulled into a hug anyway. Benny gave handshake to Sam, who took it in the spirit it was offered and invited him into the bunker. After giving the newest additions a tour of the bunker and settling them into their rooms, Sam took Adam to go shopping to 'bond'. Linda and Kevin took Benny to a place where he can find a supply of blood. Sam left Robbie in the care of Dean, who was more than happy to play with is nephew even though he could tell Dean was tired.

With Dean preoccupied, he pulled Charlie aside to go over an idea he wanted to discuss. She was the most suitable person to talk this over with, given her penchant for having a good time. Granted, her idea of a good time was peculiar, even to him, but she was a trusted confidant and knowledgeable.

Once they were in a spot alone, he asked, "Charlie, I need your help."

She looked at him concerned, "what you need with sweetie?"

He looked down at the floor, "I want to throw Dean a party…for his birthday…and for his success in retrieving Adam. It's in a couple of weeks. And I need your help in doing so." Why he felt embarrassed for asking, he did not know why. He attributed it to his lack of knowledge about such human customs, especially one placed on the day of their birth. Which, truth be told, he still did not understand as there was no way that they could remember the birth itself. He looked back up at Charlie, to gauge her reaction.

"Awww, that's so sweet of you, of course I'll help! Like you needed to ask!" She had her, as Dean called it, 'bubbly happy face' on. "First thing you gotta know about throwing a party, is what kind of party you want to have. A theme party, or a surprise party…or the more than likely let's get shit faced kind of party? Then you plan you around that."

Dean did not like surprises, he would be liable to shoot them both before and after the surprise. Any party would devolve into a drinkfest, so a theme party would probably be the best route. Charlie interrupted his thoughts though.

"If you want my opinion though, Dean and Sam aren't big on the whole party thing. They never grew up with that kind of thing, but I know what he wants from a party though."

He tilted his head, "what would that be?"

She smiled, "intimacy Cas. That's the feeling he craves for but never allowed himself. The familial intimacy of having your friends and family with you. So, if you want to have a party for Dean, then I say, keep it simple. And homemade. Cheesy I know, but it's what I would want if I had a life like theirs."

"So…keep it simple?" he asked, unsure he understood what she was saying.

"Yup, I mean, a Hobbit theme party would be great, but the first thing you have to remember is you're throwing a party for  _him_  not for us. Otherwise it gets all  _Bridesmaids._ "

"I don't understand that reference, but I believe I understand what you're saying. Something personal in essence, something he never had when he as child." He was already beginning to think on what to do. "I will still require your assistance, and possibly Sam's as well."

* * *

After Sam came back with Adam, he happily returned Robbie to him. All he was doing was sleeping on his chest and he was dozing off as well. Then Benny came back with a mini-fridge followed by Kevin carrying a large cooler. Figuring they must have found a source of blood for him, he let them be.

He was going over what Benny told him earlier in the day, about keeping it simple. Everything in his life though as been anything but though. Always on the road, going from case to case, then trying to stop the end of the world, fixing heaven and well, a bunch of crap. There wasn't time to do things nice and slow. Now there was, or at least he hoped there was. Yeah, he promised Sam he would marry Cas, but that was only because he never knew if he would ever see Sam again. Then there was the Thule thing and, happily, Robbie.

So he had time. Time to think, really think on what he wanted to do. Hunt of course, but it can't do that forever, he didn't want to die fighting some low life monster. There was something to live for, to keep on living for now, and that was Cas, his brothers and little Robbie. Still, that thought of getting married to Cas was always bugging him, haunting him.

He knows where they first meet, how Cas saw what he was doing…what he had done. When he called upon him the first time, he stabbed him in the heart, getting nothing but an unimpressed face. During Sam's sneaking off to drink Ruby, he began to confide in Cas, trusting him even though the other angels were dicks. If he had pick a major turning point, it was when Cas asked him, against his will, to have him torture Alastair. It was then he began to, hesitantly, trust him. And Cas himself, full on rebelled and lost everything…because he trusted Dean.

Through the years, it's always been an up and down relationship with them. Still, the betrayal by working with Crowley hurt him the most. Then losing him to the leviathans, he didn't know how much he cared for the nerdy angel until he wasn't around. It wasn't until the fall though, when he became human did he realize his love for Cas was more than just as brothers in arms, but love love. Still wasn't on board with the whole gay rainbow flying thing, but he loved Cas. Man had fought and died numerous times…for him. Always for him.

How do you repay that? How do you repay the unyielding love of a man who has literally done everything, lost everything for you? Compared to that, a band of metal and piece of paper is pathetic, weak and nearly insulting. However, those things are just symbols…symbols of a promise to love him always, not matter what. A symbol of their bond, unbreakable. And it was a symbol he would be proud to wear.

He sighed as he crawled into bed with Cas. The time was coming soon for him to do this, before anything else shitty happens in their lives. Coming to terms with his decision, he finally smiled. Not because he was going to go through with this, but because, deep in his heart, this was the path to happiness.


	11. Signs

 

-January 20, 2014-

He asked Sam to come with him, citing the need to do some brotherly bonding or some other cheesy crap. Of course, Sam know something was up if he wanted to spend time together, just the two of them. They had a full house to look after Robbie, who was almost four months now, and Adam was actually really good with him. After a week, Adam and Kevin became good friends. Given their circumstances were similar, smart, had a normal life, dragged into the supernatural world against their will, they got along swimmingly. They were going to try to go to the same school, as Adam wanted to continue his pre-med courses and become a doctor, or something like that.

He drove them to a diner first when they came close to the place he wanted to go to. Skipping breakfast was not a good idea, but he was so nauseous about what he was going to do today, he couldn't eat at the bunker. Once they ordered, Sam gave him the classic bitchface, the 'you want to talk so talk already' look.

Taking a deep breath, "you're probably wondering why I'm taking you out today."

"Yeah, I am. Did something in Hell happen that you need to tale about Dean? I mean, that place did a number on you and going back there was not going to be easy on you. You know I'm here for you."

"What? No…well, yeah, some shit went down there and we almost died a couple of times." he replied. This was unexpected.

"You sure Dean, because I know you and Cas glazed over some parts before you got to Adam. Was it the swamp Dean, cause Cas said he almost lost you there." Sam asked concerned.

"Well, I almost did, that place brought out the deepest saddest part of you, and I've had a sorry ass life, so there was plenty to hold me down. But Cas got me through it."

"Was it Alastair 's castle then, being back in that place? Look Dean, I had no idea that Bobby was being held there…if I did, we would have found another way to get you guys out."

He laughed and smiled at Sam, "no man, this isn't about Hell, or Purgatory. It's because I need my brother with me today. I'm going to need your support."

"Then why didn't you bring Cas?" Sam creased his forehead in worry, "you two didn't have a fight again did you?"

"Sammy, why do always assume it's something bad?" he asked.

"'cause it usually is, especially if you're treating me to brunch." Sam retorted.

He shook his head and rolled his eyes a little, "no Sam, it's because I need your opinion on getting wedding rings. I suck at stuff like this alright."

"Wait….did you say wedding rings? As in getting married marriage rings?"

Ok, this was getting tiresome, "no, I said cock rings," Sam looked horrified before he continued, "of course I meant wedding rings! Geesh."

Sam smiled stupidly with a huge grin, "that's great man! Finally! So you want my opinion on what kind of rings you guys should get?"

He shrugged, "yeah, I mean, I'm pretty sure what I want, but not so much on what he wants." Cas didn't wear any jewelry, and he didn't much either since they end up lost or a liability in a fight. "And also…well, I don't know how to put this other than I don't want a wedding wedding ya know? I want it simple."

Their food arrived and he dug in immediately as Sam replied, "simple how Dean, like simple ceremony? Or go to the court and do it there?"

After he chewed and swallowed, "that's what I mean Sam, I don't know. Do I look like a wedding planner here? All I know is that it should be simple. I don't even know if Cas even understands the significance of the thing." He looked down at that. That was his one concern, that Cas wouldn't understand what he was doing, what he was going through.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, making him look up at Sam, "Dean, it's significant to you, and because it is, it would be to him too." Sam withdrew his arm and began eating his omelet.

"I hope your right, because I don't want to look like an ass."

"Well, you're an ass already, so what would be the difference?"

Little brothers, pain in his ass. "Bitch."

"Jerk."

At the jewelry store, the clerk took out the men's rings and was about to get the woman's when Sam stopped her. Her eyebrows shot up but she remained professional and asked when they were getting married. Dean told her that Sam was his brother and she looked embarrassed. He hoped she learned a lesson on assuming things. Still she was nice and wasn't freaking out, which was his other concern.

He wanted a silver one for himself, but a titanium one looked and felt better. He liked the weight of it. She pulled out some books and pictures of designs, and went over a slew of options. It was a lot, and he had butterflies in his stomach now. He was actually going through with this...these were wedding bands. Good thing Sam was here, to keep him grounded.

The clerk asked if there was picture of his fiancé, which made me feel weird. Fiancé was word he couldn't get past his tongue. Sam calmly took out his phone and showed her a picture.

"He's a handsome man sir," she said, "with his skin tone and blue eyes, I would suggest a gold, maybe rose gold. Do you want gem or a design, or even an engraving?"

"Uhhh….I don't know. Just simple." It was all he could say as his stomach was attempting to crawl out his throat.

She nodded, "if I can suggest, since you both have such beautiful eyes, you have a sapphire in yourS, emerald in his. A small cut gem, embedded into the band itself?"

Cas did have amazing eyes, and even before they hopped into bed, they had these long stares with each other. It, it seemed right. "Yeah…that, that sounds awesome." Even Sam nodded in agreement. She helped them with the rest of the order and had it rushed. The sooner he can do this the better, cause his nerves were almost shot. And all they did was get wedding rings.

* * *

January 21

* * *

It would be Dean's birthday in a couple of days, and the plan was coming along nicely. It was a simple plan actually. Once they got Sam in it when he and Dean came back the previous day, he was more than willing to participate. But he wanted to still get a gift for Dean, seeing that is what couples are supposed to do. At least, from what he gathered from the TV and movies. So when Dean went to clean the weapons and do some training, he saw an opening to go shopping.

He would have wanted to bring Sam, but he was busy keeping a non-stop crying baby happy. Everyone else was busy, except for Benny. Charlie let him take her car and together, they went to a shopping center. Perhaps when the roads weren't all iced over, he would ask Dean to continue teaching him how to drive. Benny drove him to the mall and for a while, they just browsed around.

"Cas brotha, you have any idea what to get Dean?" Benny asked as they left the third store.

"To be honest, no. Dean already has everything he requires and I cannot think of an item that he would use." He spent the ride up here racking his brain for a gift, but still had nothing. Perhaps if he went through more stores, something would appeal to him.

Benny smiled, "it ain't about a gift he can use, it's the fact that it came from you that matters. It could be just a stuffed animal for all he cares. It's the thought that counts."

"I have heard of that phrase. Still, I want it to be something that would have meaning and purpose."

"Ok then, what's his interests?" Benny asked calmly.

"He likes weapons, prefers action movies, especially westerns, loves pie and rock." he summarized.

"'bout sums him up, so, look for something like that stuff. Get him…what are they called now, blu-rays?"

He shook his head, "no, I have thought of that but it did not seem personal enough. I wish there was something I could give him that could not be found anywhere else. Unique." Then an idea dawned on him. "Perhaps…there is a way."

"Way for what?"

He did not answer as he began walking to an area where there was no people. Once they were in an empty area, he prayed for Balthazar to come.

"Cassie brother, I don't mean to alarm you, but there's a vampire next to you." Balthazar said after he flew right in front of him.

He smiled at his brother, "Benny is not a threat, he is a friend Balthazar."

Balthazar arched his eyebrows, "you have a habit of making the most peculiar friends."

Benny extended his hand in friendship, "please you meet ya."

His brother looked at the extended hand curiously and ignored it, "so what's the problem this time? Is Dean being a bigger ass than usual? Cause if that's the case, just fuck it out."

Blushing from Balthazar's suggestion, "no, we are fine. I am actually gift shopping, and I need your help."

"Shopping? Well why didn't you say so in the first place. Maybe we can get a decent wardrobe apart from layered plaid."

"No, you misunderstand me Balthazar, I need your help yes, but not in shopping." He sighed, "I want to ask you if you can go back in time and retrieve a picture."

Balthazar looked puzzled, "a picture? You want me to jump back in time…for a picture?"

"I would consider it a personal favor brother…"

Balthazar rolled his eyes, "you two, so in love it's unbecoming Castiel." He sighed, "but you did get me out of the Thule dungeon, so yes, I'll do it. When, where and what is it?"

Smiling, he happily told his brother where he could find the picture he desired.

* * *

-January 24, 2014-

* * *

Once he woke up, he was surprised to find that Benny had made them all breakfast. Benny was the best cook they had by far, but when he served him a pig in a poke, he knew something was up. Everyone seemed a bit to cheerful today, like they had something planned surprised. He had that out of the loop feeling he didn't like. Still, he wasn't about to turn down awesome food.

The feeling never waned through the morning, but early afternoon, it was being accompanied by anxiety. Today was the day he was going to pick up the rings. Sam was coming with him again to get them even though he didn't ask him to come along. But he was so nervous, he couldn't even drive himself as the time came nearer. Sam drove and all the while on the he had a cold sweat and butterflies in his stomach.

Looking over at him, Sam asked, "dude, you ok?"

He put on the fakest smile, "great, just great."

Sam looked back at the road, "I haven't seen you this nervous…in forever." Sam paused as he fought down a wave of nausea. "You're still going through with this?"

"Of course I am! God, the sooner this is over with, I can go back to being normal." he groaned.

"Ok, well, have you thought about how you're going to do it?" He hadn't really, but someplace just the two of them. There was a promise of a hunt out near LA, and he thought it would be nice to do that there. Though, if he was acting like this just getting the rings, what they hell would he be like driving to actually propose?

"I thought about going on a hunt…there's possible demon omens near LA. Propose to him there…like at the Hollywood Sign or on the beach maybe?"

"You know, that's a good idea. Real good actually."

The rest of the ride was Sam going on about places to see and do there, but all he was thinking about was how he was going to do this. Before, or after the hunt. No, after of course...if they live. No, they'll live, it's a low life demon up to no good. He didn't even notice they pulled up to the store when Sam opened his door for him. The clerk was all smiles and bubbles when she handed him the rings, and he took them out of the box to look at them.

They were perfect, his fit him just right. The titanium band with a darker inner band that had a small square cut sapphire looked great. More importantly, it felt right. And Cas's, was a gold emerald mirror of his own ring. A complimentary pair the clerk said. Even Sam was impressed with how well they ended up. Now it was just a matter of giving it to Cas.

* * *

Once Dean was gone, he and Benny began working on Dean's birthday dinner. Eschewing the traditional cake, he baked pie. Several pies actually. He even made sure there was plenty of ice cream and whip cream as well. The plan was simple, have dinner, have pie, give the gift. Which he hoped Dean would like. So he asked a favor and bent time and space to get it, but hopefully Dean would like it.

He was surprised that Dean already had something planned, so he didn't have to bother of asking Sam to make up an excuse to get Dean out of the bunker. The past couple of days he has been acting odd, anxious even, though what about, he wasn't sharing with him at least. Sam had to know, because Sam was not concerned, not in the same way he was. He wasn't sure on how to proceed on that front, but for now, he would concentrate on getting these pies done.

When the brothers came back, Sam looked giddy with excitement, but Dean…Dean looked like he was becoming sick. He was pale and had a cold sweat. And when they saw each other, Dean looked both happy and terrified at the same time. However he sauntered into the kitchen when he saw the pecan pie cooling.

"Is that pie?" Dean asked practically drooling.

"No Dean, it is a figment of your imagination." he replied back sarcastically.

Dean smiled, "smells real…wait, is that another pie?"

It was his turn to smile, "apple, and I have a chocolate pie in the oven."

His eyes went dreamy, "pie….," then he snapped back to reality, "what for?"

"You honestly don't know?" Charlie asked when she came into the kitchen.

"No, I don't." Dean replied.

Sam came in after Charlie and simply said, "it's your birthday Dean."

* * *

He hadn't even realized that today was his birthday. In his life, too much crap was in the way to actually have a birthday celebration. He was lucky if dad remembered, and the older he got, he just had a night out and a women if he was lucky. The significance of getting the rings today though, and Cas baking him pie…he realized that this is what having a family, a real family must be like.

After shooing them all out, Cas and Benny served them dinner. And it was classy, with filet mignon, roasted potatoes and grilled asparagus. Which, he surprisingly ate and liked. Then the pies came out, with a slice of apple pie a la mode with a small candle on top. It was ridiculous but awesome at the same time, and he happily blew out the candle.

Most of the pie was gone, mostly into his stomach, and he was happy. It was nice and simple, exactly what he needed to distract his mind. He thanked everyone for the good time and looked over at Cas. Cas was looking anxious when he pulled out a small wrapped package.

"I wanted to get you something for your birthday Dean, but I didn't know what. This was the only thing I can think of. I hope you like it." Cas said nervously.

"I'll like it whatever it is Cas." He replied as he gently tore through the paper. Once that was off, he was looking at the back of a picture frame. Turning it over, he froze. It was the picture of him, Sam, Cas, Bobby, Ellen and Jo before they went on the ill-fated trip to Carthage. His voice level and small, he asked, "how…how did you get this? Bobby burned this Cas."

Cas looked down, "I asked Balthazar to go back and make a copy of it," he replied in sad voice.

This picture…meant a lot. Bobby burned it because of the pain it caused them all. It represented all their failures. But now, now it was something else. It was the last picture of Ellen and Jo, of them going off to stop the devil. The pain he felt before was gone, knowing now Jo didn't blame him for her death, and both her and her mother were in Heaven. So was Bobby, in his wheelchair looking defiant. Sam towering over them all and Cas. Cas in his trademark coat.

"I love it Cas." he whispered to him. This was it, this was the sign of signs and it was time. There was a trip he had to get ready for.


	12. Til Eternity

 

The day after Dean's birthday, they left to go on a demon hunt in Los Angeles. Well, it was actually closer to the Salton Sea, but they were going to go to LA afterwards. The picture he got Dean was now hanging in the library. It was something that Dean felt was better to place it there, to remember them, for all of them to remember. When he looked at the himself in the picture, he saw how stiff he was even in an overcoat, the stony expression he had. Now, when he looks in the mirror, he sees something different. He smiles more, his hair is a little bit longer but styled now thanks to Sam, his posture more relaxed.

In essence, he is a completely different person, as in actually being human. At first his emotions overcame him quite often, he has now been able to keep them in check. The trick was now suppressing them, but understanding them. He had taken up meditating and yoga to do so, and it helped. Biologically, he was in his late thirties, the latter half the prime of a humans life. The aches and pains he has now, he bore diligently, but the upkeep was difficult. Hunting with Dean and running with Sam though was sufficient to maintain his physical strength. In time, he knows his muscles will loss mass, skin it's elasticity and his memory will begin to falter. But he doesn't care about that now, as he'll be going through that with Dean.

The same Dean who was now acting very peculiar, something was obviously pressing hard on his mind. The drive over, he didn't know who was more nervous, Dean himself or him being nervous about Dean's driving. He tried to figure out what was wrong, but Dean kept changing the subject or kept on saying he was fine. Texting Sam was no help either, all he got back he's fine, be patient and give him time. It was becoming rather annoying and he was becoming more irritated. By the time they checked into the motel, he was already upset and giving Dean the cold shoulder.

Once threw the door, he helped himself to a beer from the cooler. Perhaps an alcoholic beverage was what he needed. Opening the laptop, he connected with the bunker's network and began doing some research to ferret out the demon. He didn't even look up when Dean sat across from him.

"Cas…I know I've been, acting weird…but, you have to trust me on this man." Dean asked in a subdued tone.

Still avoiding eye contact, "if you don't want to talk about it, then I won't ask." He knew it sounded curt, but he didn't care. He scribbled an address and handed it to Dean. "Here's a witness you can interview."

Taking it, "you don't want to come with Cas?" Dean asked.

"No, you're much better at deceiving people than I am. I will do more research here." He could sense it wounded Dean, because he didn't respond. He just changed his clothes and went out the door without another word.

As soon he was out, he called Sam. "Sammy…he's giving me the cold shoulder and…and I don't know what to do."

"Ok, tell me what happened." Sam asked calmly. He explained that the entire ride he was so wracked with nerves that Cas caught up on it. This was ridiculous since he usually kept things bottled in pretty good, but this…this was just too much to contain. After he explained the situation, Sam was quiet for a few moments. "Dean, you can't go on a hunt like this. Listen, I'll call Garth, or another hunter and see if they can do it."

"Dammit Sam! I've never called off a hunt because of something like this, I can still hunt!" So he freaked out a little, but questioning his ability to hunt made him upset.

"Dean, you're being moody, and anxious, in other words emotionally compromised." Ok, yeah, he got the he was being moody. God, when did he become a woman. Then he mentally slapped himself. Sam was right, as usual. Still doesn't mean he'll follow it though.

"Fine…we'll go. I'm gonna let him cool off then I'll head over to the city." He lied smoothly as he hung up the phone. No more than ten minutes later he was walking up the stairs of the witness when Balthazar zapped himself in front of him. "What the hell?"

"I should be asking you the same thing. Here I was enjoying a nice pina colada in Cabo when your brother drops me a line."

So Sam didn't buy his lie, but sending Balthazar? "Yeah, well, I you can go back, I got this." He tried to walk around the angel but Balthazar blocked his way.

"No, you mean you had this. Raziel and couple of other angels are already here. Sam called in a lot of favors. And…" he paused, "demon problem solved. It's dead."

"What!?"

"Please Dean, we're angels, professionals at this. Since Cassie and Sam shook up the Heavens, a lot more angels are keeping a watchful eye down here." He placed his finger on his forehead and Dean found himself back in the Impala. "The real question is  _why_? First Castiel wants me to jump through time, then Sam makes me do your job and here I am playing therapist again! Seriously, I should charge by the hour."

He took a deep breath, trying to calm his anger down. Balthazar sat patiently in the passenger seat, waiting for him to talk. It took a few moments, but he did. "I'm gonna propose ok? After the hunt, go hang out in LA, go to this place Sam told me about, and get on my knee and ask Cas to marry me." Balthazar arched his eyebrow, for once the sassy angel was rendered speechless. He continued, "I got the rings yesterday, and since then, I've been a nervous wreck. I thought I can hold it together but Cas knew something was up, but I wouldn't talk about it so now he's mad."

"Well, he is mad if he says yes." Balthazar quipped to which he replied with his death glare. Rolling his eyes, Balthazar went on, "of course he would say yes. Poor sap has it bad for you. Tell him I just popped in, took care of the demon and go on your merry way. The sooner you do that, the better." Then there was a flap of wings and he was gone.

He hit the steering wheel with the palm of his hand. This was not going as planned dammit. With no demon here now, there was no point in sticking around here. Turning over the engine, he raced himself back to the motel because now  _he_  was agitated and upset.

"Back so soon?" Cas remarked in a terse voice.

"Pack you bags. We're blowing this joint." He said as he went to the bathroom to get their stuff.

"And the demon, we're just going to let it go?"

"Ask your brother Balthazar! He popped up, did his thing, and popped out."

"Ok, enough of this Dean. What is wrong with you?! You've been acting anxious all day and now your upset." Cas crossed his arms, "or are you still not going to tell me?"

He stopped what he was doing. His back as to Cas, but he didn't turn around. Sam was right, he was being moody, and so was Cas. If he let this go on, they both would end up fighting. "It's…something special Cas. I can't tell you what it is, but trust me on this." He could feel Cas's eyes bore into his back, but there was a change of mood, if only slightly.

"Fine. Are we still heading over to Los Angeles?"

"I want to head over to Santa Monica. I already booked us a hotel there." He resumed packing the bags while he heard Cas close the laptop. Together, in silence, they packed their things and drove out.

* * *

It was late afternoon by the time they arrived. The car ride was mostly quiet, but Dean asked him to trust him. So he didn't try to talk to him, while Dean drove, he played games on the tablet. Soon enough, they were at a higher end hotel on the waterfront. Hearing the ocean soothed him, the crash of waves and the cold salty air made him feel at ease. They rarely got close to the sea, most of the cases were in rural inland places. He recalled that now dim memory of when that fish first crawled onto land.

Dean had picked an ocean side view, and he noticed that this was a full suite, not just a regular room. He was 'going all out' as the term goes apparently. So perhaps Dean had something planned, maybe a birthday getaway for the two of them. Smiling, he forgot about being angry and realized that Dean just wanted to surprise him. It was uncharacteristic of him, so no wonder he was acting weird.

"This is a really nice place Dean. It has been a long while since I was near the ocean." He pulled Dean, who was next to him unpacking, into a hug. "I'm sorry I doubted you." He released Dean and looked at his face, which a small smile now. "You tired Dean? Want to rest before we explore?"

"Actually…I was thinking of taking a shower and getting ready to go eat. I made a reservation at a nearby restaurant and then I want to show you your surprise." Dean smiled nervously.

If he didn't know better, he would say Dean was being romantic. Since he was now becoming more familiar with human customs and practices, he knew Dean was hardly the romantic type. Dean was man of simple pleasures and tastes. Highly intelligent in his own right yes, but he liked things uncomplicated. He understood now that for Dean to even say 'I love you' was huge leap for him. Dean still rarely says it, but rather, he lets his actions show it. One just had to know how to read such actions.

Once Dean was done with his shower, he took one as well. Since Dean was dressing nicer than he usually does, he made sure to dress well as well. Leaving the room, he was surprised that Dean didn't take the Impala, but a taxi. The restaurant was some ways down but also had an ocean view, where he could see a pier that was brightly lit against the now evening sky. All during the ride and to the table, Dean held his hand. He was happy that Dean was just doing that now, and was beginning to enjoy this trip.

After a delicious dinner, Dean suggested they go on a walk in search for dessert. He was being playful, he could tell, but there was a undertone of anxiety under all of Deans actions. Still, he will trust Dean on this and simply nodded. When it became obvious that Dean was heading toward the pier, he became excited.

"Are we going to the pier Dean?" he asked.

Dean nodded, "yup, I know it's a bit chilly, but I thought you might like it." He smiled back and leaned in closer to Dean while still holding hands. It was a nice change to be so open about their relationship. And no one batted an eye in contempt or scorn, in fact, no one paid attention at all. Dean always had a fear about them being harassed, but they were more than capable of defending themselves. The social norms that Dean had grown up with were changing, it was just a matter for Dean to accept it too. Which he has done for the past several months since they 'officially' began their relationship.

Then it struck him, this was not only a birthday getaway, but a date. An actual date like they had in Santa Fe. Given the nature of their lives, the luxury of going on an actual date was rare. Not that he expected them, he had no idea at first on what to do in a relationship. So they had found their own way that worked best for them.

Deciding to live in the moment, they got some ice cream from an old style establishment. He and Dean played games in the arcade, walked around the shops and people watched. It was good time, but when Dean pulled him up to the ferris wheel, he felt butterflies in his stomach. Not that he had a fear of heights, it was...anticipation. Something big was coming, but he didn't know what. Putting on a smile, he and Dean got into the carriage.

* * *

This was it. Besides this morning, everything was going as planned. Now they were climbing to the top of the wheel, sitting side by side, his arm around Cas. It was chilly, but compared to a mid-western winter, this was pleasant.

"We've known each for how long now Cas?" he asked, trying to think of a way into saying it.

"I would estimate over five years." Cas replied in a relaxed tone.

"Been through a lot haven't we?" Cas just nodded on his shoulder. "When did you know you first loved me Cas?"

"The first moment I saw you in Hell Dean. Your soul called out to my grace. Even though I did not know the full extent of our bond as an angel, as a human, I understand that emotion to be love. I do now know if it was because of my nature as an angle that prevented me from realizing this before."

"Well, it didn't stop others from seeing it apparently." he chuckled. "Let's see, Sam said we were doing the eye sex thing since day one. A bunch of your angel buddies told me you had a soft spot for me. Hell, even Meg called you my boyfriend."

"And you Dean? When did you realize you loved me?" Cas asked quietly. They were nearing the top, so this was his chance. He slid out of Cas's warmth and sat diagonal from him. When he moved, Cas moved to keep his face trained on his.

"Cas, to be honest, I think I always had in my own way. Sure, I was being a macho jerk for most of the time, but you were a dick then too. But, you rebelled for me Cas. For  _me._ I never really knew how much you gave up to help us, to protect us. I always thought myself expendable as long as my family was safe. I wasn't worth having a relationship invested in me, because I wasn't worth it. But you always did believe I was worth it Cas. Even when you didn't believe in yourself, you still believed in me."

Cas reached over and cupped his face with one hand, "Dean…"

"I'm not done man," he leaned into Cas's hand though, closed his eyes and reached into his pocket. "I love you so god damn much Cas, it hurts. So I want to give you this and ask you…" he took a deep breath. "And ask you if you would want to marry a broken hunter." He gave the small box to Cas, waiting for his reply.

Taking his hand off Dean's face and took the small black box from his hand. Opening it slowly, he saw there was a gold ring with a small cut emerald in the middle. Looking at it, and hearing Dean repeat in his head the words asking him to marry him, he felt an onslaught of emotions. Tears began to fall from his eyes, and with shaking hands, took out the ring and put it on his ring finger, where it fit perfectly.

"Dean…there is but one word I want to say in all languages know to Heaven and Earth, and that word is yes." He kept his eyes on the ring, seeing how the light reflected on it, the weight of it and more importantly, the meaning behind it. This was a promise from Dean, to be with him. To take him, a fallen angel from grace, to live out their mortal lives together.

He looked up at Dean, who was smiling his big smile when he was happy. All the anxiety, the worry he carried with him, was gone. This was Dean who was just happy, entirely happy. Then to his surprise, Dean took out another small box.

"This…this one is for me, but…you open it first." Taking it, he opened this one was well. In contrast to his own gold and emerald, Dean had a silver and sapphire ring. He realized then that his ring had Dean's eye color, and his was on Deans. Taking it out, he reached for Dean's hand, who lifted it up.

"Dean Winchester, you are the only person I would ever want to live out my mortal life." He slid the ring onto Dean's finger. He looked at Dean again, who was smiling still, but he had a small tear coming down as well. Scooting closer, they both embraced each other in a deep kiss with the stars twinkling behind them.


	13. Epilouge

 

Dean finished nailing the wall to the floor to what would be the master bedroom oh their house. Cas let go of the wall and walked over to check on one of the builders Raziel sent over to help them. Most of them were ex-angels who had chosen to remain on Earth.

It's been over a little a year since the angels fell, and even though they can go back home, hundreds decided to stay. Some had fallen in love or found purpose here, but for whatever reason, there was large support network for them. Such as this job, helping him build the houses for him and Sam. They were fast and efficient, and he'll admit, they weren't being dicks anymore. And, they were technically his in-laws now that he and Cas were married.

It was simple little ceremony a couple months back in the late spring. They went over to New York to go through the court there. He and Cas wore nice tailored suits and the entire family was there to bear witness. That was way easier than the actual proposal, and afterwards they had a reception. The toast Sam gave brought everyone to tears, even him. Between the good company, the awesome food and the fact that he was legally wed to Cas, he counted that day as his happiest day in his life. So far.

Once they were back in Kansas, they all dived into the building project they devised. They were going to build separate homes, because they both needed their own spaces. Sam had Robbie and he had Cas, though they were within a quick walk of each other. He guessed they were at the halfway point, and should be finished by Robbie's birthday. It was really Cas who convinced him to do that, to let Sam be his own person. He was also selfish in the fact that he wanted windows and a garden. Both houses were still within the property the bunker sat on, and were so laden with wards, he doubted they could even watch a ghost movie once they were done.

Before that though, Kevin and Adam were going to go to college in Washington State. Raziel pulled some strings and got them into the university in Seattle. Linda was going to move there as well to keep an eye on them both, but also open her own business. They would come back to the bunker on holidays and such, but thanks to technology, teleconferencing was way easier. The tablets Kevin will keep here since there was no immediate need for him to translate it all.

Charlie was going to stay in the bunker and help with whatever they needed. Her and Sam were going to work on digitizing the files and creating an online resource for hunting. Sam saw that as his way of balancing out the hunting life with a normal life. He was already setting up his own work schedule, so he can differentiate his time from work time.

Cas himself was going to start school too to hopefully become a tutor or something. He might go to school in time too, to maybe get an automotive degree, open his own shop or something. The Men of Letters left them a tidy sum of money and Linda was a shrewd investor, so they weren't hurting for money. However it would be nice to pull in some of his own money, and to do something other than hunting.

Speaking of the Men of Letters, they were thinking of changing the name to something less sexist. Also to reflect the new direction they were taking, being a diverse group of people with different skill sets. They had Garth, Aaron, Ezekiel and the Golem counted as members. They also had allies with the angels still on Earth. It was hoped that together, they can keep the threats against humanity contained, such as the Thule or any upstart demons.

He put away his tools and wandered back down to his room. Taking a shower, he thought of what dreams he can allow himself now. Yes, there were still threats out there and monsters to kill, but it now no longer consumed his entire life. Cas, Sam, Robbie and everyone, that was his life. Heading over to the Sam's house, Cas waited for him with a pitcher of iced tea on the newly finished porch. He looked over at Cas, who gave him a smile, they clicked their glasses and took a drink as they both relaxed watching Sam and Robbie play in the yard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So this is the end. My trilogy is complete. I never thought my first attempt would end up as this...huge thing. Thank you all for reading!


End file.
